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I am a leader; University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030; Diversity

breejones64 1 / -  
Oct 21, 2013   #1
The essay is supposed to be 250-650 words about this prompt:

The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live.

Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?

And this is what I came up with, it's super rough and I could definitely use some tips!

I would enrich CU Boulder's community because I am a leader. I may not be the first person to be given the title "leader" because I am not one to tell people what to do and how to do it. I am a leader in the way that I am open minded and ready and willing to listen to everyone's thoughts and ideas. I am good at being objective about things and looking at them from every possible angle and then forming my own opinions instead of just listening to what I'm told or believing what I hear or read. For example, I was born and raised a Christian. It was routine to go to church and Sunday school every week and pray every night before bed. I had an abundance of "Baby's First Bible" type books among other Christian-based toys and readings. I had never really gotten big into the whole religion thing and eventually I decided, after trying to understand Christianity and many other religions, that the best one for me is to simply live my life up to my own standards instead of a book's, or a church's. This wasn't out of rebellion or rage; honestly, I just thought for me personally, that it would be the most fulfilling and positive way to live. I believe that this ability to question things and try to dig deeper has and will continue to contribute to discussions in the classroom, extracurricular activities, and the whole college environment in a positive way by possibly bringing a different point of view to what we learn and maybe widening people's horizons a bit. Instead of just reading a fact from a book and trying to memorize it for the test, I enjoy thinking deeper about it and questioning it. Why? How? What would happen if...? I wouldn't just be coming to CU Boulder with the goal of getting a degree in order to get a good job, but rather to really learn - not just material, but life skills - and prepare myself for the bright future ahead of me and I feel that this would make me a valuable addition to the CU Boulder community.

asianizer 2 / 3 1  
Oct 27, 2013   #2
In all honesty, your first sentence isn't really an attention grabber. I would suggest making the first sentence into something that would make me continue reading your essay. Other than that, very well written!

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