"Leadership Achievement " - Business Program Prompt

Hello,

Thank you for the feedback.
Discuss your most significant leadership achievement paying particular attention to the challenges, actions, and results achieved. Please respond using 250 words.

Midnight was approaching and the list of groups for my ASTRO 1105 final research project will be posted online. Finally, the clock struck twelve. In awe, I gazed at the computer screen: Bryan, and Abhiram. Two people I was least acquainted with in the class, and I had to work with them.

I never relish the thought of group projects. I experienced many instances at school where I had taken on the burden of the entire assignment. This was no exception. However, this six-week summer program provided limited time for me to take on the assignment by myself. It was time to pull the group, collectively, together.

I took on a - not to be pretentious - leadership position. I emailed Bryan and Abhiram the outline of the research project on Eta Carinae. I told them I was doing the introduction, and the before-after observations of the stellar outburst; they had to do fluctuations in luminosity and the application to light blue variable stars. I recognized the importance of teamwork and I didn't coerce Bryan and Abhiram into doing the work. Instead, I explained to them the significance of this project and the looming deadline; we had to work as a team to achieve the best mark.

Two days later, I received a very pleasant email. It was from Bryan. It was a research paper on the application of Eta Carinae to the LBV star! A few days later, Abhiram's part followed. Immediately, we cross-edited each other's paper. Then, I complied the parts. However, the conclusion was not completed yet. It was no surprise that we did it together.

I see where you are going with this essay. But you took too long to get to the point. Maybe cut down something at the beginning?

Two people I was least acquainted with in the class, and I had to work with them.


^ sounds kind of awkward to me, maybe say something like: I took the first initiative.


^ HOW did you recognized the importance of teamwork? You might want to show it and not tell.

You have a lot of solid stuff here! Nice job!

Please take a look at mine when you get the chance!

Midnight was approaching and the list of groups for my ASTRO 1105 final research project will be posted online. Finally, the clock struck twelve.

Redundant?
Maybe you can talk about "When I refreshed the page I saw..."

I never relish the thought of group projects. I experienced many instances at school where I had taken on the burden of the entire assignment.This was no exception. and It was no surprise that we did it together. conflicts with each other. I know what you wanted to say, but an admission officer might not.