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My a leadership experience in school, work, athletics, family, church, community


lucy44 1 / 1  
Jan 12, 2009   #1
Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life - school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals?

I'm bad at writing essay, please check for grammers, and suggestions. Thank You

Once a year, my families would gather around to go to a park for a picnic. I'm proud to say I'm an experienced coach through teaching my cousins how to play tennis and soccer. At first, my cousins wouldn't participate instead they would rather arouse troubles over the park. To keep them out of trouble I persuade them by rewarding them if they were to play tennis with me. They agreed, and we located a tennis court near our picnic. After a couple volley, it seem that it sparked their interest in tennis that they completely forget about the rewards. At one point, they stop to ask me to show them the techniques of backhand stroke. I taught them how to serve, backhand stroke and a power forehand stroke. At that moment, I realize I've develop my leadership skills, being able to lead my cousins and guide them to be successful in tennis. As well as being able to make a change in their decision, and make sure that my cousins are willing to follow my instruction. Leadership plays an essential role in my life; I feel a sense of accomplishment whenever I use my talents and skills to help others, therefore I want to pursue my master degree in order to benefit others' life.

alisa 3 / 21  
Jan 12, 2009   #2
You should try to volunteer some where or get a summer job that gives you a chance to do some leadership
OP lucy44 1 / 1  
Jan 12, 2009   #3
please give me some sugguestions...
mavictoria 4 / 17  
Jan 12, 2009   #4
one best way to gain leadership experience is to volunteer in the community. Usually it is aclean up on the streets or like a reading class
dooolele 3 / 15  
Jan 12, 2009   #5
"At first, my cousins wouldn't participate instead they would rather arouse troubles over the park"
this sentence is awkward.
also, say "would not", instead of "wouldn't" because contractions are informal.
the next sentence is awkward as well. possible repharse:"To keep them out of trouble I persuaded them to play tennis with me by offering a reward."

recheck your grammer. (they stopped instead of they stop)
good luck
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 13, 2009   #6
Great start, here is some help:

At first, my cousins wouldn't participate; instead they would rather arouse trouble all over the park. To keep them out of trouble, I persuaded them by rewarding them if they were to play tennis with me. They agreed, and we located a tennis court near our picnic. After a couple volleys , it seemed that it sparked their interest in tennis so much that they completely forget about the rewards. At one point, they stop to ask me to show them the techniques of a backhand stroke. I taught them how to serve -- both the backhand stroke and the powerful forehand stroke.
charliesun 9 / 28  
Jan 13, 2009   #7
whatever you want to write, it's "showing", not "telling".be more vivid and specific


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