By looking at your transcript and test scores, we can evaluate how you have performed in high school. Those factors aside, if we only had one space left in UB's freshman class, tell us why we should offer that space to you. Consider, for example, how your extra-curricular activities in high school and in your community have shaped you, what you have learned from those experiences, and how you will use those experiences to contribute to UB's campus community.
Leadership is a skill that helps others to learn by example. A leader is someone who is capable of organizing a group of people to accomplish a particular task and take responsibility for their actions. As a Hispanic student coming from New York City I had many role models; people who I idolized. As I grew and developed through life, these people influenced me and my decisions through their actions and ideals. They were people of my ethnicity with whom I shared a common goal: to succeed in my passions and interests throughout life while motivating others to do so as well. Instead of limiting themselves by staying in the so called "ghetto" of New York, they reached out to make a difference and thus inspired me to accomplish great things. It is because of their actions and motivation that I have become who I am today. The incentive that these leaders engraved in me allowed me to see a purpose in life and those motivated and strong enough to guide others through it. These are the people that defined leadership for me because, through them, I have been motivated to follow in their footsteps and pass their ambitions and lessons onto others.
As I grew older I took these lessons and applied them to my own life and situations. I began to take the initiative, becoming proactive rather than reactive. When something would challenge my morals I would right it and learn from the experience. The knowledge that I obtained in the past, I utilized in the present. I began to play an active role in my school, joining the class council and becoming class representative/treasurer for our school's Respect Team. Experiences such as these enabled me to guide my peers, whether it is with an academic, athletic or even social dilemma.
Just as I took the lessons learned in the past and applied them to the present, I can take my past experiences and apply them to the University of Buffalo future. With my ethnic and diverse background in leadership, I know that I can not only help UB grow as a university, but as a community as well. I know how to reach my peers on a personal level and can connect with the many diverse cultures represented at our university. I define myself as a leader because I possess responsibility for my actions and decisions, loyalty to my morals and ethics, and a diverse background. With these qualities I can lead and teach others what great leaders have taught me and continue to teach me to this day.
With the experiences I had in life, I believe I can overcome any situation and be capable of standing out in society by being a leader. I had the chance to learn two languages throughout life being raised in a Spanish speaking household. It is important to me to be diverse because I enjoy the growth that comes from different perspectives especially on a college campus. I can contribute to the diversity of UB's community not only through my Hispanic ethnicity, but also of my life experiences as being a leader.
You need to stop writing in abstract terms and start writing using concrete examples. There were people you idolized *yawn*. Well of course there were. Everyone knows someone they admire for some reason. Pick one or two of the specific individuals you personally admired and tell the reader about them. Better yet, provide an interesting anecdote that shows the reader why you admired them.
Likewise: "I began to take the initiative, becoming proactive rather than reactive." Show the reader how you did this rather than just saying it.
"The knowledge that I obtained in the past, I utilized in the present." Ditto.
"I began to play an active role in my school, joining the class council and becoming class representative/treasurer for our school's Respect Team." Okay, this is a bit more specific, but what did you do in these roles? How did this teach you something valuable?
By now you get the general idea. Also, try to avoid using "it is/was" and "there was/were" in your writing -- they tend to make the essay duller than it has to be.
