Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
Bobbing up and down ever so slightly my float hinted that something curious was at the end of my line, intent on an evening meal. Its appetite quickly overcame its instincts and immediately my line screamed and my rod bent like a pine branch after fresh snow. Excitement, energy and a curiosity to find out what was to come overwhelmed me. These were the very same emotions I felt walking on X's campus for the first time. I was ready to take advantage of all the new opportunities presented, friends to make, things to learn and ideas to explore. I was hopeful and willing to do whatever it took to make these the best years of my life.
I envisioned X as a school that would be a leap forward in my life. Throughout the year I concentrated on taking such leaps; I joined several clubs, connected and collaborated with my peers and challenged myself academically. I put my full effort into everything I did. However, I soon felt that I was missing something. I envisioned a campus filled with like-minded students and a school that would push their students to achieve their full potential. What I read in pamphlets, heard from students and faculty during orientation, however, was not what I observed during my time here. I want to be part of an environment that instead celebrates and welcomes the cultures and values of others. I want to be part of a student body that leaves a greater impact on the surrounding community and on the world.
Attending a university so close to home has been a comfortable experience. I'm familiar with the area and I can always relax with old friends. I even continue to attend basketball games in the same stadium that I visited so many times as a child. This comfort, however, has hindered my growth and placed me in a rut. I have learned that complacency is an enemy of progress and a change in my academic and social environment is necessary for my continued growth.
I began to reel furiously. The drag I felt was hefty, possibly my biggest catch of the year, of my life? But soon I realized whatever was on the end of the line was lifeless. There was no feedback in the rod, nothing I could fight with. It was something that expected a demanding effort but offered neither resistance nor reward. Academically, I consider X does not offer enough resistance and is not the school that will allow me to explore my chosen major of Economics in great depth.
I have certainly grown and matured this past year but I believe that I have leaped past X. I feel that in my short time here, I have already absorbed much that this institution has to offer. I want to instead attend a university that will present me with greater resistance academically and one that will reignite and maintain the excitement of those first moments of freshman year. I want the challenge, diversity and feedback that is offered in other environments and a place that I can further explore my academic interests and enthusiastically become part of the community.
What do you think of my fishing metaphor? Too cliche or does it work well? Have I clearly stated my objectives and reasons for transferring?
There was no feedback in the rod, nothing I could fight with . ("with" which is a preposition shouldn't be placed at the end of the sentence, try rewording the sentence so that with doesn't end up at the end)
I was ready to take advantage of all the new opportunities presented, friends to make, things to learn and (run-on sentence use comma (" , and" ) ideas to explore.
Throughout the year (, ) I concentrated on taking such leaps;
I'm familiar with the area and (, and )I can always relax with old friends
I have certainly grown and matured this past year but (, but) I believe that I have leaped past X
ts appetite quickly overcame its instincts and (, and ) immediately my line screamed and my rod bent like a pine branch after fresh snow.
I want to instead (this is a confusing modifier, the verb "to" has been split by its modifier instead. Maybe try "I instead want to..)" attend a university that will present me with greater resistance academically and one that will reignite and maintain the excitement of those first moments of freshman year.
I have learned that complacency is an enemy of progress and a change in my academic and social environment (I believe this should be followed by a plural verb "are" , please correct me if I'm wrong.) is necessary for my continued growth.
The drag I felt was hefty, possibly my biggest catch of the year, of my life? (This clause is not clearly phrased as a question)
Apart from some minor grammar mistakes, I thought the essay was pretty good. The essay itself portrays you as a qualified student who is ready to make the transition and advance your academic development.
