What you learn from cultural difference? rigor in eastern culture/ vigor in western world

the deadline of UW is midnight today! please give me some advice to improve my short response. thank you.

Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

My high school life is the mixture of two different cultures. Two extremes can easily bewilder people, but the divergence inspires me to seek the advantages from both cultures.

I used to study in China. A seventeen-year Chinese education was embedded in my mind. The rigor of study was an essential element in Chinese education. While my math teacher was giving classes, the blackboard was always filled with formulas and graphs. Every step was listed on the blackboard without any omissions. He always stressed the significance of logic and rigor since he believed that the reasoning was the root of all academic fields, even the art field. Probably the rigorous characteristic of Chinese education system is one of the reasons why I love math and science subjects like physics better than literature. These subjects that rely on logical thinking and serious reasoning perfectly meet my inner standards.

In my senior year, I moved to the United States and entered an American high school, and the totally different environment gradually affected my concept of cultures. I first realized the difference when I was the school welcome back assembly. At first when my peers mentioned the meeting, I thought it would be a dull report given by principal or administers, like what I had experienced in China. Nevertheless, when I actually entered the venue, the music was so loud that I felt like I was at a party. The hosts dramatically dressed up as the superheroes in The Avengers to save our city. This drama gave me a deeper impression than any of the other performances. The hosts devoted themselves to the performance with their love and passion. The story itself about how heroes successfully saved the city after a series of ridiculous mistakes was funny, and their performance was exaggerated. However, their every frown and every laugh were so emotional that it had an amazing power to entertain everyone in the venue. This vigorous performance showed me the power of dynamism and creativity. The details of the assembly faded away, but the impact has stay in my mind, inspiring me to show my vitality in my future life.

Having learned in America for a period of time, I realize and understand the cultural differences more profoundly. Some people may consider they are irreconcilable. However, to me, they are complementary, promoting each other. The rigor in eastern culture and the vigor in the western world are never on the opposing side. My experiences in two different cultures have taught me to reconcile the divergence and seek advantages from both sides so that I can constantly promote my talents in my future life.

overall the essay is good, but there are few grammatical errors.


'However', sounds a lot better than 'nevertheless'


the hosts staged a performance on 'The Avengers'


however, their comical emotions entertained everyone present


i realize and understand the cultural differences more profoundly, although some people may consider them irreconcilable


on opposing sides
goodluck!

It is not clear that you are talking about what cultures. I know you have mentioned them in the body, but it would be better to briefly state them in the introduction too.




Sorry, but I think in a social science like philosophy you need to think more about logical issues in comparison with experimental science like physics. I think you need to revise this part


You wrote a very good essay. You had very clear ideas throughout the essay. Hope you found the comments useful.
Regards
Ahmad

your comments are really helpful. thank you for your help!

You have written a very good essay. You have understood the requirement of the topic well.
However there are a few mistakes you have done.


This sentence doesn't sound correct. I believe you are trying to say that you were at the school welcome back assembly.
I first noticed the difference when I was at the school welcome back assembly.


The details of the assembly faded away, but the impact was forever in my mind, inspiring me to show vitality in my future life.
I think it's better to rephrase this sentence.

overall I think you have done a good job. :)

thank you so much!
I will revise it as you comment. your advice is pretty useful!