How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered.
I genuinely believe that Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with varied backgrounds and experience that I hope someday to be a part of. I plan to contribute to the diversity at Rutgers with my diverse ethnic background. My biggest concern was my exposure to my religious background. In the past few years I have traveled to India many times, which has gotten me closer to my ethnic background.
The vastness of my culture has infatuated me to learn more about my culture. To embrace this vast culture takes a great deal of time, so I started going Swadhyay, a Divine association of Yogeswar. In this organization, I learned a lot about my heritage background and culture through stories and debates. Pandurang Shastri Athavale founded the Swadhyay movement in 1954, a self-knowledge movement based on the Bhagavad Gita. The Swadhyay movement consisted over five million members. Being a part of this tremendous organization has made me feel grateful about myself and culture.
During my sophomore year I volunteered at Saint Mary's Hospital. I performed many tasks such as organizing CT scans, filing, and delivering the CT scans. During my volunteering I was exposed to a working environment, where I learned how to interact with other workers. What I most cherished about my volunteering was helping patients and the compassionate environment at Saint Mary's Hospital.
Over the summer, I traveled to Canada to experience the richness of the outdoors. Going into an environment that I was not familiar with was scary, but a learning experience. During my visit, me and my family experienced new tastes and environments. My most memorable experience in Canada was going near the Niagara Fall on a ship. At that moment I realized how much the outdoors has to offer. I also learned that different places have different things to offer, such as Rutgers University.
Having played tennis for three years has truly changed me into a hardworking student. My first year I played second doubles, which taught me a lot about teamwork and communicating with your partner. I made new friends through tennis and learned valuable skills that will help me throughout my life. My determination to play singles made me to practice even harder than before. I would watch videos of tennis players in order to improve my tennis skills. The three years that I have played tennis can be described as learning experience and laughing moments with my teammates.
When I went camping in Chicago I learned the hardships of living alone for two weeks. This experience had given me the time to interact with other campers and get to know them in depth. I got to know people from all over North America and how their life style was. My cultural background, unique experiences and outgoing personality can be benefactors to Rutgers's Multiculturalism University.
The starting is good, but there is not transition from one paragraph to another. You can easily re-arrange the order of the paragraphs and nobody would notice. Thats not the bad part, but the whole essay sounds BORING !! sounds like any other essay. The admissions committee has to read like 3,000 to 5,000 essays, and Im sorry to say, after the first 2 paragraphs I lost attention and would just put it aside and not continue reading. Have a good story, just one, not like 3 or 4 stories. This needs a lot of work. !!! every sentence and every word must keep the flow of the essay, and I hate to admit it, This essay has NO FLOW !!
Keep working on it.
LOT OF WORK NEEDED.
GOOD LUCK.
It sounds a little cut and dry. Try putting more feeling into it.
The first paragraph was nice. But you are listing your exrea curr. activities and explaining. If you must do that,you need transition sentences, and a mind blowing conclusion!
