Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
The first time I went to the Light House Mission in Coney Island with my youth group, I was in ninth grade and did not know what to expect. As I stepped into the building, I felt a combination of feelings. I was nervous, excited, and a little scared. I was reluctant to go at first, but I went because my youth group leader said it would be fun and I would not regret this experience.
At first I was dubious. I was not sure how homeless people would react to kids giving them food. I stayed doubtful as I helped the staff cook their food, but as soon as people started coming in, all the doubtfulness in my head went away. As I started to serve the food, I noticed that everybody had smiles on their faces. There was a distinct warm and happy atmosphere. This made me realize how fortunate I was. I had no right to complain about anything when most of these people have no jobs or homes, but they were still able to smile through their struggles.
As I was serving the food, I noticed a father and his child. His child was around the same age as me. When I first saw him, I instantly sympathized with him. It didn't feel right that I could eat at restaurants while he had to eat at soup kitchens. As they began telling me their story I felt grateful for everything I had in my life. I couldn't even imagine how it would feel to go through those hardships.
The kid's name was bob. His father was just laid off and because of this; his stepmother had left bob and his father. They had no house, no money, and no relatives. It was not fair for them to suffer the way they did. They were not homeless because they had made mistakes in life. They did not do drugs nor did they commit crimes; they simply became victims of the poor economy. They did not deserve this and it could have happened to anyone.
As weeks went by, I began to talk to bob more as he became one of my good friends. I learned a lot from bob and his father. After four months they stopped going to the Light House Mission because bob's father got a new job as a construction worker. Several years have passed since then; he is now the manager at that same exact company. It is unbelievable that he once started with nothing. They were both huge influences in my life and they taught me to be thankful for what I have, even if it is little and also to never give up. You can always get back up when you fall down and their lives are examples of a true underdog comeback. Who knew that this one experience that I was reluctant to go to at first would have changed my views on life?
Please be honest and grade it harshly and let me know what i can do to make it better.
Bob is not the real name i changed it so he can be anonymous
The first time I went to the Light House Mission in Coney Island with my youth group, I was in ninth grade and did not know what toexpect.
... this last word confuses the reader. ''what to expect? ''' ...it is because we do not have any idea at this point what your mission is about. We have to read the forthcoming paras to get an idea what the purpose of this visit. So I'd suggest something like:The first time I joined the Light House Mission in Coney Island with my youth group, I was in ninth grade and had no idea about the purpose of this mission and what it would mean to me.all the doubtfulness in my head went awaydoubts began to clear.
I had no right to complain about anything when most of these people could still smile despite havinghave no jobs n or homes, but they werestill able to smile through theirand endless struggles in life.
As they began telling me their storyies
I think you should introduce Bob at least in the last sentence of the introductory para. Just briefly which even doesn't need his name ; for example;Among all these people, one person caught my special attention.