Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


'I learned to love' - Person who impacted your life essay for college apps.


HiraSaleem 1 / 2  
Aug 24, 2012   #1
Please read and help me out! It's too personal to be read by someone I know so I would love if you could critique. Be as harsh as possible.

Hello (our formal greeting commencing each conversation)

I know we've never met but I know you better than I know myself, even if it has been only a year. With the help of our friend fate, we somehow received each other's phone numbers and began talking. We talked every night and here we are, over a year later still talking. _______, I know who you are from the inside out. We exchange glances in the hallway but even after hundreds of acknowledgements, not once did I feel like I knew the guy walking past me. All I know is the person in the phone who I get to know better with each conversation.

We had our differences, I will admit that. We had our fights, I will acknowledge that. Who cares if I'm a skeptic who doesn't whole-heartedly believe in the former existence of dinosaurs; opinions are irrelevant when it comes to a healthy friendship. I learned that from you. I remember one night we argued about how we hadn't had our first fight yet; it was only about 5 weeks into this pen pal exchange. Very soon, we had our first fight over something petty, but we worked and got through it. That was the first time I had to step-by-step deal with my problems. Who knew talking about our problems would help us in the end?

Not only did we work through our issues, but we grew as people because of each other. I told you about my dream to end poverty; I had always thought if I told anyone about that, I would get judged. Opening up to someone is not easy for me. It was because of your encouragement that I realized my strengths in compassion and empathy. I meant it when I said "I don't know how to explain it to someone who's not me, but I think I felt my heart smile when you said that." That was the text I sent to you July 22, 2011 in reference to your admiration for my messiah-complex.

Along with your encouragement, you taught me the value in thinking logically. Any girl can have a dream of going to Africa and feeding all the kids; it's expected in teenagehood. You countered my hopes by asking me if I had a plan. I didn't. I never thought about it and it never crossed my mind. You then referenced a documentary you watched on TV where they digitally showed how they could possibly grow grains from space into the grounds where the food source is scarce; it made me realize I was going to have to learn, research, plan, and go through tribulations to achieve my goal, and that life isn't that easy.

You're probably wondering how I remember all these things we talked about so long ago, and once again I'll tell you- almonds. Eating them makes things stick in my brain I guess. My grandfather always said almonds control your memory; eat more of them and it gets stronger. I didn't know my memory was strong if you hadn't pointed out that I kept remembering things people said. It's extraordinary how I learned more about myself through you.

Besides the almonds though, I got stronger because of you. You touched me in a way no one else has ever before; you tore me down but that is exactly what raised me up. This was my first non-conventional friendship and it means more to me than all of my customary ones. There's just something about not having to risk anything with you that made it special. Every text we exchanged is a little sequin in the broader dress that encompasses our friendship.

You are my modern-age pen pal. Beginning with a text, we end up in a new dimension every night. Every time I watch the Notebook and Noah says "If in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer [consumed in our long talks], learning from each other and growing in love," my heart melts a little.

I think out of everything I took away from you, the most significant is that I learned to love. You are the one friend that I felt the most love for and that's the most amazing thing to be taken from anyone you cross paths with in life. Maturing shouldn't be marked by the number age you call yourself, but rather the love you gather. When someone finally attains this unique and mysterious ability, the whole world starts making sense in their brain. That is why we crossed paths and why fate intervened. I am forever grateful for that.

Thanks B.
________
dorothy3692 - / 2  
Aug 24, 2012   #2
It is a beautifully written essay that really grabs attention. However, my personal attention was held only up until the middle. After that, I felt impatient and couldn't wait to learn who that person really is. I wouldn't suggest stating the exact name of the individual since it is very personal, but at least give us a hint about who this person is -- is it your best friend, boy/girl friend, or just a sympathetic classmate?

Though I can sense a bond developing between you two, I still cannot completely grasp what personal qualities this person helped you develop. Yes, the story is sentimental and beautiful, but how does it make the college want to take you.

If I were you, i would say that together you made plans to actually change the world--eliminate poverty. Because the officer would be OK that student didn't like poverty--BUT WHAT DID HE'SHE DO?

Hope that helps, take a look at mine?
dorothy3692 - / 2  
Aug 25, 2012   #3
Excellent! Now I know his name at the start, but I still get hooked by intrigue and my attention stays focused. I finally get to know that this is "friendship" that you are talking about, and not just any kind, but true,deep friendship. I also see how that person changes you through the essay. I see that you become a better thinker because of him and that he inspires you to make a change in the world.

Overall, great work! If I was the committee, I would say I want this student because she knows the true value of friendship and allows friends to change her in a good way.

Best,
Dorothy


Home / Undergraduate / 'I learned to love' - Person who impacted your life essay for college apps.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳