Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


'I learned about my Shadow' - Common Application: The Greatest Issue of All


doortothe 2 / 5  
Oct 24, 2011   #1
This is an essay that I wrote last year in my senior level Composition Honors class in my junior year. Writing some college essays were class assignments, which I did. I have since updated it, but I have not given it much attention as I am preoccupied with the rest of the Common Application and the supplementary parts of the colleges I want to go to. My main concerns is that I may not have updated every part of it, and I have 54 extra words, so I need to trim some fat. So here's the prompt I chose and the essay:

Prompt: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

The Greatest Issue of All

How often do video games inspire life-changing decisions? For most people, not at all, but for me, it has happened on three separate occasions. The first muse was learning to play the flute, inspired by Legend of Zelda: Orcarina of TimeŠ, a game that uses music to solve puzzles. The second was setting my career path to a computer programmer, inspired by video games of all typesŠ. However, the third and most important epiphany of all made me realize the enemy of all of humanity: themselves.

The moment came while playing, Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4Š, when a character, who was a lot like me, had all of his dark secrets revealed by his Shadow, his inner self. As I saw this, I realized that most of his dark secrets were also my own. So, I asked myself, "Would my Shadow say the same thing? How could I defeat it?" Thus, my struggle began.

As time went on, I knew this would be a tough struggle, I felt like I was boxing an invisible opponent. The changes I would have to make to prove my Shadow wrong would require years of severe self-discipline. Nevertheless, I had taken a step forward in the right direction; I knew where my Shadow's power came from. I had realized the root of my Shadow's strength: loneliness.

I have known the pain of isolation for quite some time, ever since 4th grade. Loneliness is the one pain I cannot stand, the hurt that gives my Shadow strength. However, getting rid of such pain is easier said than done. The me that socializes with those around me is itself a persona, a façade. My true self is one of a stereotypical nerd, someone who relates better to machines than people. Making my true personality into my façade may be something impossible for me or anyone to do.

Several years have passed now since I first learned about my Shadow, since my struggle began. I know everything about him now, his strengths and his weaknesses, and I have won. I know now that he has been with me as far back as I can remember, I know now that I do not need to be surrounded by people in order to fight off his greatest weapon, loneliness. All I need is a small group of close friends who I can count on to pick me up when I fall down. My Shadow is I and I am him, and through him I have obtained the strength and knowledge to live my life. My Shadow is not my enemy; he is my friend.

But why did I bother trying? Why not just accept my true personality and lose all attachments to my emotions? The answers are simple; I plan to go into computer programming, an industry full of emotionless people, and having a friendly personality will help me stand out from the rest. However, that is not the true reason why I take on this task; it is because I do not want to be an emotionless self-centered person. I wish to become someone who people will remember fondly and love. That is why I tackle the impossible and take on my Shadow. That is why I faced the biggest issue that anyone can have, themselves.
parker 4 / 16  
Oct 25, 2011   #2
there are few grammar errors.
How often do video games inspire life-changing decisions? For most people, not at all, but for me, it has happened on three separate occasions. You should replace it by they.

My Shadow is I and I am him. I remember that verbs should connect accusative, so it should be revised as my shadow is me

I think this essay is outstanding. It demonstates your personal concern, isolation, since 4th grade. It illustrated the importance of this issue on you, and how you tackled with it, how you conquered it, how you viewed it. So generally, it is good


Home / Undergraduate / 'I learned about my Shadow' - Common Application: The Greatest Issue of All
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳