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I learned my strength is smiling as it can help me conquer challenges -UBC personal Profile


Ethanchen1998 8 / 18 6  
Jan 31, 2016   #1
Hi everyone, please edit or leave a comment. Several of them has reach over the word limits. Please leave a suggestion of where to cut down. Thank you!

Describe up to five activities that you have pursued in one or more of the following areas... Please outline the activity and describe how it affected you or others. (maximum 50 words)

1. 2013 summer, Volunteering at Oak Tree Senior home every Saturday is my favorite event of the week. Every Saturday my classmate and I would prepare hand-made cookies and muffins. We would spend our time with Grandpas and Grandmas, playing bingo, singing out loud and sharing stories. Every Saturday my classmate and I would prepare hand-made cookies and muffins. We would spend our time with Grandpas and Grandmas, playing bingo, singing out loud and sharing stories.

2. I volunteer at Spa Versante every Monday since 2014. As a swimming coach assistant, I developed patience over time. For students that they have never swum before and now passed level 10, it is the best accomplishment and achievement I can have. (42 words)

3. I apply myself to First Express Travel Center and worked as a full time employee during teacher's strike. As a accounting assist, I learned to use their computer system, enter invoices, answer phone calls, and write a monthly income report. Gracefully, I was invited to work again the next summer. (50 words)

4. School's open house is very important, because it reflects and represents our learning to younger generations of our school. I volunteer at school's open house every year. Meeting with teacher to come up with new and creative ideas, setting up, and making sure all the section were operating perfectly were my duties every year. (54 words)

5. Swimming has been my favorite sport since I was very small. Throughout my high school years, I swim twice a week and five days a week during summer. I had attend to tons of swimming meets. With years of practice and experience, swimming had develop me mentally, and physically. (50 words)

Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above by explaining what your goals were, the role you played, and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words) (current word count 319....)

As a competitive swimmer, I was offered to volunteer as a swimming coach assistant by my swimming coach outside of practice. Since whenever there is a huge learning opportunity, I agreed on spot without hesitation. Every lesson, I guide students to acknowledge their individual strengths, and helped them to become a better swimmer. In addition, I developed patience and benevolent over time.

The first day, I was expecting to be trained. Instead, I was asked to assist a coach to guide kids that are elementary school ages. As I first got in the water, kids quickly claimed on my back, and pulling my arms. Newbie of me did not have any experience, but smile. The coach would yell at them as they would finally behave. As the lesson starts, I carefully observed coach's teaching technique and apply them. The kids were very playful, at first, it was hard to guide them, but I never lose the smile on my face. Quickly, I became these kids' favorite, they begin to respect me during class time, and have fun with me during our free time. I also begin to love these kids, and I had set a goal. My goal was to be with these tots throughout their swimming programs.

The time passes so quickly, a year of lesson seems like a few weeks, all the students had completed all the levels in the swimming program. My students together wrote a thank you card for me about how happy they were. Throughout this experience, I learned my role as a coach assist is to set an example as a role model, I developed my patience as something I used to lack of, and I learned my strength is smiling as it can help me conquer challenges. In addition, For students that they have never swum before and now passed level 10, it is the best accomplishment and achievement I can have.

Hey guys, I felt like I always reach over the word limit and I'm always unsure of where to cut down. Please give me any suggestions of how to cut down any unnecessary parts as I found it as my weakness.

Thank you everyone

Hiddengrace 6 / 118 68  
Jan 31, 2016   #2
2013 summer, Volunteering at Oak Tree [...] singing out loud and sharing stories.

In the summer of 2013, I looked forward to volunteering at Oak Tree Senior Home each Saturday. My classmate and I prepared home-made cookies and muffins. We'd spend our time playing bingo, singling, and sharing stories with grandmas and grandpas. 40 Words. Looks like you duplicated 2 of your sentences in this paragraph.

I volunteer at Spa Versante every [...] accomplishment and achievement I can have

For over a year now, I've been volunteering at Spa Visante every Monday as an assistant swimming coach. In this position, I've straightened my patience. My best accomplishment is to help students who have never swum before pass level ten. 40 words

I apply myself to First Express [...] to work again the next summer.

During a teachers' strike, I worked full time as an accounting assistant at First Express Travel Center. I learned how to use their computer system, enter invoices, answer phone calls, and write a monthly income report. Because of my diligence, I was invited to return the next summer. 48 words

School's open house is very important, [...] perfectly were my duties every year. (54 words)

Every year, I volunteer at my school's open house. I consider this very important because it demonstrates our commitment to learning to new students. My duties include working with a teacher to create new ideas, helping to set up, and ensuring that the school is operating perfectly. 47

Swimming has been my favorite sport [...] develop me mentally, and physically. (50 words)

Since I was a child, swimming has been my favorite sport. Throughout high school, I swam twice a week and five days a week in the summer. I've attended many swim meets. Through my years of practice, swimming has helped me to develop mentally and physically. 46
Hiddengrace 6 / 118 68  
Jan 31, 2016   #3
As a competitive swimmer, I was offered [...] developed patience and benevolent over time.

I was given the opportunity to volunteer as an assistant swimming coach outside of competitive swimming practice. I saw this as a learning opportunity and eagerly agreed. Each lesson I guide students to help them become better swimmers and discover their individual strengths. In this position, I've developed patience and benevolence. Not sure if benevolence is the right word. Maybe compassion or something else might sound better? You also say patience at the end so maybe it's better to just have it one one place instead of two- that will lower your word count a bit.

The first day, I was expecting to be trained. [...] tots throughout their swimming programs.

On my first day, I was expecting to be trained; instead, I was asked to assist a coach with lessons for elementary school children. Upon first entering the water, children quickly climbed on my back and pulled my arms. I was inexperienced, but I still smiled through the lesson. The coach ensured they behaved. As the lesson started, I observed the coach's teaching methods so I could apply them in the future. It was a struggle because the children were very playful, but I never lost the smile on my face. I quickly became their favorite coach, earning their respect, and we were even able to have fun during out free time. I began to love these children and it became my goal to be with them through their entire swimming program.

The time passes so quickly, a year of [...] accomplishment and achievement I can have.

Time passed quickly, and all of the students passed each level in the program. My students even wrote me a thank you card about how happy they were. Through this experience, I learned my role as an assistant coach was to set an example and be a role model. I developed patience and learned that my strength is smiling through my challenges. The biggest achievement has been to help students who never swam before pass the program.

I've gotten it down a bit- maybe someone else can help get it down more. I think it's about 260 now. Good luck!
OP Ethanchen1998 8 / 18 6  
Feb 2, 2016   #4
Hey @hiddengrace, sorry for the late reply, I was busy finishing up my UBC application! Thank you so much for putting such time and effort. It's my pleasure to take all your suggestions and comments into my writing. With your help, I believe I did even better on my application. I really appreciate it . THANK YOU SO MUCH @hiddengrace. :)


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