Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


'What you have learned about yourself as a result of the volunteering activities.' (250)


nandasharma 14 / 53 9  
Jan 6, 2017   #1
Discuss your current involvement in community service projects and volunteer activities. Describe what you have learned about yourself as a result of these activities.

science-cum-engineering aficionado and artistic-cum-philanthropic



As an active volunteer of XXX, I routinely assist my district's chapter during disaster management & health care missions. After several training sessions on handling of pharmaceutical apparatuses and medications, I was even assigned by the society's President to supervise a couple of blood donation and health check-up campaigns through which I not only gained hands-on medical skills of preserving blood samples & measuring blood pressure, but I also felt an unusual delight while examining, diagnosing the symptoms, and suggesting minor prescriptions to the participants. Despite being a science-cum-engineering aficionado, I am eventually aware of my pharmacological gusto.

During my entire student life, I'd partaken in none of the school theatricals; however, the XXX's initiative in collecting charity for the quake victims of 25th April, 2015 as well as enlightening the passersby about Earthquake preparedness through an influential street play seemed worthy of my participation. We performed an act called 'Eghharaw Pachaas'- translated into English as Eleven Fifty, the approximate time of the catastrophic 2015's tremor- in eventful spots around the city. Through this artistic-cum-philanthropic venture with my XXX colleagues, I garnered an unprecedented acclaim for my appreciable dramatics, not to mention I discovered my new avatar. I am not just a bookworm burning midnight oil to sustain magnificent academics or an athlete toiling behind the soccer nets for the triumph, but I've come out as a 'Hero'-a compelling stimulus towards the renovation and attentiveness of several unacquainted-but-wounded individuals simply via a street performance.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Jan 6, 2017   #2
Nanda, you badly need a transition sentence or paragraph in this essay that will effectively and relevantly connect your first activity, as an emergency volunteer, with your theater arts activity. It is important that you transition the story you are telling because the sudden shift in discussion is surprising and has the reviewer, or in this case, me, wondering about what the connection is between the two activities. Since the two activities relate to the earthquake. Develop something about the earthquake as the connection between the two.

By the way, in the last sentence of your first paragraph, I hope you will consider an improvement to the presentation of the sentence as it seems quite awkward at the moment. I suggest that you present that part as follows instead:

Although I am an admitted Science and Engineering aficionado, I acknowledge that I also have an interest in Pharmacy. Which is why I enjoyed giving prescription suggestions to the patients.

Before I forget, please review the capitalization use in your essay. You have words such as "president" capitalized when it should be written in lower case and proper nouns such as "Science" and "Engineering" written in lower case when it should be in upper case for the first letter as it refers to the formal title of a subject.
OP nandasharma 14 / 53 9  
Jan 7, 2017   #3
@Holt
Thanks a lot for your suggestions. What do you think about my latest version ?

11:50 A.M .
Keeping up with Nepal Red Cross Society in its volunteering projects is not a child's play, I routinely assist my district's chapter during disaster management & health care missions. Once, after multiple training sessions on handling of medical apparatuses and drugs, I was even assigned by the president to supervise a health check-up campaign during the aftermath of April 25th Megaearthquake. I didn't just acquire hands-on medical skills of dressing the delicate injuries & measuring blood pressure, but I also experienced an unusual delight while examining and providing first-aids to the victims. Hence, despite being a Science-cum-Engineering aficionado, I've now acknowledged my pharmaceutical gusto.

After few weeks of arriving back to our hometown, a praiseworthy initiative of Red Cross Society to collect charity for the quake victims and enlighten the passersby about Earthquake preparedness, through an influential street play, seemed worthy of my participation. We performed an act called "एघार पचास"- translated into English as Eleven Fifty, the approximate time of the catastrophic 2015's tremor- in eventful spots around the city. Through this artistic-cum-philanthropic venture with my humanitarian colleagues, I garnered an unprecedented acclaim for my appreciable dramatics, not to mention I've unraveled my new avatar. I have discovered that I am not just a bookworm burning midnight oil to sustain magnificent academics or an athlete toiling behind the soccer nets for the triumph, but I've established myself as a 'Hero'-a compelling stimulus towards the rejuvenation and attentiveness of several unacquainted-but-wounded Nepalese citizens simply via a street performance.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Jan 7, 2017   #4
Nanda, careful with the use of special characters. That might not translate or be seen properly on the computer of the reviewer. I think those characters as specific to your country's keyboard right? No matter how hard it is to translate to English, give the rough translation instead and just say that there is no exact English equivalent for the term. That way you don't risk having computer code showing up at the most inopportune time with the reviewer. Aside from that, I don't think that the reference to the event helping you discover your new avatar works in this statement. The avatar discussion, which is only one line isn't properly explained in terms of significance to the prompt. If you can further develop that statement then do so. Otherwise, the essay will not be affected at all if you remove the reference to it. Aside from these comments, the essay has done a pretty good job in responding to the prompt. Good job!


Home / Undergraduate / 'What you have learned about yourself as a result of the volunteering activities.' (250)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳