We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit) *
"Where did you spend your summer vacation," my fourth grade teacher asked on the first day of school. Every hand in the room shot up-- every hand except for mine. I listened with envy as my fellow classmates shared stories of their trip to Disney World, sites they had seen in other countries and cruises they went on with their families.
My teacher turned to me and asked, "Shirley, what did you do this summer?"
"Nothing," I answered. My teacher looked at me for a moment and turned to another student. That day I went home, confused by what had occurred. Why had my teacher stared at me? Was it that appalling that I had spent my vacation at home? Should I have lied and said something else? Finding no answers I directed these questions to my mother. Her answers were rather shocking
That night, as my mother was chopping the vegetables, I asked her my questions. Without breaking the steady rhythm, she answered me bluntly, "Because we can't afford it."
I did not understand, "but all my friends went on such exciting vacations, why couldn't we?"
She put down the knife impatiently and turned to me. "You're different from other kids. They have families that can afford to take fancy vacations. Your family doesn't. If you want to take fancy vacations get high grades in school, get into college, and get rich; then we can go on fancy vacations." With that said, she turned back to chopping the vegetables. I stood there, in shock, still processing what had been said to me.
Then I suddenly screamed, "That's not fair!"
Without looking at me, my mother said, "Haven't you realized? Life isn't fair." I turned around and ran into my room, tears streaming down my face. I jumped on my bed kicking and throwing my pillows, letting out all my anger and frustration. I wanted to take fancy vacations. I wanted to go to Disney Land and see Mickey Mouse. I wanted to go somewhere other than the beach. I wanted to leave New York; I wanted to see what the world was like beyond the five boroughs. I ran to my mother with a decision made. In my most mature voice, I informed my mother, "I'm going to get super high grades in school, the highest grades ever seen. I'm going to be the best college person in the world. I'm going to get a lot of money and I'm going to go on all the vacations I want and travel all around the world."
My mother chuckled as she said, "don't forget to take me along."
I looked at her incredulously and exclaimed, "I would never forget you!" My mother embraced me tightly with tears streaming down her face.
I recorded that day in my diary fearing I would forget it as I got older. That was unnecessary; I could still remember every detail of that day, what I was wearing, what my mother was wearing, what my mother was chopping, and what my homework was that day.
From that day forward, I tried harder than ever to excel in school. As I grew older, the gap between other kids and me became apparent. I could not afford to keep up with the latest fashions in school. Instead I flaunted my hand-me-downs and knock-off book bags and purses. Although friends and school often reminded me of my financial status, it did not bother me. I knew that one day, all my hard work would pay off and I would be able to afford all the things I could not afford now. I would be able to buy fancy clothes and go on extravagant vacations. When I had my own family, I would be able to provide my children with the luxuries I couldn't have. And most importantly, I would be able to repay my mother for doing such a good job raising me, and all the hard work she's done to try and provide a home for my sister and me. Of course, my very first priority would be to take that vacation to Disney World!
Yes, this is an extraordinarily strong essay: moving, detailed, and to the point.
That was unnecessary; I could still remember every detail of that day, what I was wearing, what my mother was wearing, what my mother was chopping, and what my homework was that day.
So, say
which vegetables in the narrative itself. "... turned back to chopping the ????" Details make stories stronger.
