This is my common app essay, i did not choose any of the topics. Any feedback is appreciated, also if you could give me some advice if i should focus on just one topic of exploration/learning or if the structure below is better.
Thanks,
I have blue fingers. Their soft pink oval tips have been turned into coarse imprints of rejected Rorschach panels. It's an occupational hazard, as I am a fountain pen fanatic.
My obsession began in the summer of 2011 when I boarded a flight from Abu Dhabi to Bangalore, only to have the entertainment system fail halfway through. Undaunted, I flipped through the glossy pages of the inflight magazine. It was written in Arabic, and while my eyes were initially drawn to the women hawking perfume, they eventually settled on the words. While the spoken language of Arabic had always sounded harsh, it was beautiful on paper, spurring an instinctive desire to learn it for myself. Unfortunately, my ballpoint pens could not vary the width of a line, so I needed a fountain pen.
When I had a moment to myself, I ventured out into the city's crowded streets. At about the third dead end, I wondered if wandering the streets of Bangalore was an efficient way to find a fountain pen. It was not-but the experience of exploring a city was incomparable. Broadening my horizons by taking full advantage of the opportunities around me has always been central to my identity.
It's easy to make bold statements like "I want to learn Arabic," but following through required a little more effort. However, by devouring the internet's vast resources I could soon read a wide range of material, from Al-Jazeera to the poems of Kahlil Gibran. While I could read the script, I still didn't understand an iota of what it meant. Wanting to learn more, I signed up to take Arabic 001A at the local community college. I learned Arabic for one purpose-to gain cultural and linguistic knowledge. By pursing my intellectual interests beyond the classroom, I found the freedom to truly explore.
When I find something that excites me, I immerse myself in it. My passion for economics is rooted in Speech & Debate, which introduced me to the field. However, I wanted some advanced research experience, so about 100 emails and 30 cold calls later, I succeeded in coaxing one Stanford economics professor into letting me contribute to his research. Though I was constantly overwhelmed by the math necessary to understand the econometrics laden papers, through some hard work, Wikipedia, and time, I was able to successfully contribute. One year and multiple published acknowledgements later, my passion for economics continues to grow.
Pursuing my intellectual curiosities is a necessary part of exploring who I am. Living in a Silicon Valley suburb, it's easy for the bubble to never pop, but my desire for knowledge has helped me break out. It's the reason I went to Bangalore in the first place-not just to frequent fountain pen shops, but to run a two week summer camp for slum children and to gain new perspectives. As I continue my education, I know will be presented with even more opportunities to explore and expand my knowledge. I welcome each and every one.
Your essay is fantastic. I love the message you have conveyed and the way in which you accomplished that. Your first few sentences are interesting and will definitely catch your admissions counselor's attention.
A few things to note:
1. When you want to use the "dash" you need to make sure it looks like this, "Bangalor in the first place not just to frequent"
2. Consider rephrasing the section about the bubble. Maybe something like this "Living in a Silicon Valley suburb, it's easy to get trapped in a bubble, but my desire for knowledge has helped me to pop that bubble and break out."
I wish my CommonApp essay was as creative as yours! I guess I'll have to rethink it!
