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Learning from mistakes and a future success - Applying to B.U and NYU


thanhle97 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2015   #1
Will Le
Q: The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

A:
I am a car washer, a waiter, and a coffee-maker. Strangely enough, I am also the successor to my father's vast finance empire. Let me tell you: I was born in the small city named Thai Binh in North Vietnam. Thai Binh is most known as an agriculture city. My family are not famers, we own the very first polyester company in Vietnam. Therefore, I always considered my life better than most of the others around me. Every summer, my father requires me to undertake manual labor jobs when I return to Vietnam. Upon my seventeenth summer returning home, I worked at a car wash. I felt very frustrated and shameful during the time that I was required to hold those positions, but I did so in order to gain work experience. I believed I deserved a much more honorable position, such as an office worker.

During this summer, a good friend of my father taught me the basics of the import and export business. However, my father also said to expect to work a summer job. I set my heart on an office position, doing administrative tasks, or working in the business field. I was sorely mistaken, my father forced me to wash cars. The first day I worked at the car wash, the job seemed pretty easy. I showed up without any enthusiasm or passion, and carried a bad attitude. This resulted in me not performing well, and I left cars dirty. The owner whispered to me, "Your father owns the company now, but before he used to be one of my best washers." This little whisper deeply affected me. At that moment I discovered that my dad had to work very hard to hold his current successful business owner. He truly started from the bottom, and so did I.

After a few weeks, I realized two things that I needed to accomplish in order to improve my work performance and my mentality. First, I had to learn to effectively communicate with my co-workers. In addition, I needed to bring enthusiasm to the job. Enthusiasm is the most important factor because this aspect shows that a person is hard-working and responsible. Before I could begin to be productive and cooperate with my co-workers, I needed to change myself.

After two months of simultaneous study and work at the carwash, I learned many valuable lessons. In order to create a good product, I needed to be enthusiastic, and have a positive attitude while I working. I learned another lesson about building a solid business. Above all, I recognized that my father sought to teach me a great lesson: "In order to accomplish big things, you need to do the little things the right way." That summer, I finally understood the reason my father had me work at the car wash and many other labor position. It was all a leaning experience to help me realize how to build myself.

A successful businessman needs to know the capabilities of his or her workers, so that everyone can work as efficiently as possible. After experiencing work as a laborer at the lower end of the ladder, I understood that companies will never reach their final goals. Everyone at a company is important. I seek to study Business Management and Admission in order to rebuild and develop entrepreneurial efficiency, both for businesses in America and in Vietnam. I want to gain success for myself, my family, and my country.
irfan727 49 / 68 29  
Sep 15, 2015   #2
hello, I'm Irfan Ardian, let me try give suggestion to your passage

I am a car washer, a waiter, and a coffee -maker.
for academic writing, particularly in that word
I am a car washer, a waiter, and a café-maker.

In order to create a good product, I needed to be enthusiastic, and have a positive attitude while I working
here u put double tenses, i recommend you to change it one of. or if u use passive form, i guess u have to use to be

In order to create a great product, I needed to be more enthusiastic, and have a positive attitude while I working or
In order to create a great product, I am needed to be enthusiastic, and have a positive attitude while I working

overall, your writing is inspired me that start everything from the foundation to be succeed
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 16, 2015   #3
- ...vast financemonetary empire.
- Let me tell you:, I was born...
- Thai Binh is mostly known...
- ....as an agricultureagricultural city.
- UponOn my seventeenth summer returning home,
- This resulted in me not performing wellto my poor performance ,
- ...his current successful business owner .
- ...I understood that companies will never reach their final goals without working for it .
- Everyone atin a company is important.

Indeed, nothing comes in a silver platter and being served to someone who did nothing, silver platters are served to those who deserve it.
Hard work, a little bit of fun makes life full of magic.
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Sep 16, 2015   #4
This is not what the prompt is looking for. In fact, if you were to submit this essay, you would be surely rejected. What the adcom wants to see here is a time when you worked really hard at obtaining something - anything, but failed. This could be a sport, music, anything that you are genuinely passionate about. Then talk about the lessons learned from the experience. - Admissions Advice Online
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 17, 2015   #5
@admission2012, I believe the essay written by @than is just and has given what is asked in the prompt.

The only difference with the essay is that you didn't expect that the story is not as normal as "rags to riches" or a poor boy thriving to succeed in life, the writers story is something very unusual,not only because he comes from a well of family but also because he did try what he think is the best he could and later on presented with a much more fulfilling and rewarding slice of life. He did learn valuable lessons on the process and made sure that he embodies the lessons he learned.

As moderators and contributors we should remain objective and true to the mission of EF, to provide guidance to those who seek help.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 18, 2015   #6
Thanh, I think that the main problem with the essay you wrote is that you tried to provide as much information as you could for the reviewer to read hoping that it would paint a clear picture of a life experience that resulted in failure and lessons learned. While I will not discount the fact that your life experiences are interesting and truly enriching, you need to narrow down the focus of your essay in order to make it more responsive to the prompt. What I believe you have to do is concentrate on the activity that you believe you failed at at the most but also came away with the most lessons learned.

Rather than talking in general terms, as you are doing in this version of the essay, I suggest that you review your work experiences as a car washer, waiter, and coffee-maker (the proper term for that isbarista) and try to find the most significant work failure that you had. Once you have chosen which failure you want to concentrate on, analyze the situation and list down the lessons that you learned from that specific failure. You can even rehash the existing content of the essay to signify the lessons you learned. Remember, the instance, the specific failure is more important than relating how you were listless on the job, not really performing, being compared to your father, etc. You need to cite a specific failure and how it occurred then explain the lesson you learned.

Close the essay with a self-reflection of who you are now and how you are thankful for that specific failure in your life because it helped you become the person you are now. Concentrate on the fact that while all life experiences teach us a lesson, some lessons, such as this specific one, teach a lesson that you carry all your life. Or something to that effect.


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