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'learning to official terms' - Common App Transfer Extra Curriculars


awaqar714 3 / 8  
Feb 11, 2012   #1
TASK: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum). \

My Response-
I have been working at AK Food Mart is my fathers convenient store and gas station. I have been working there for almost 9 years. I really enjoy working there even though I started working there just to help my father out and soon I began take over more and more responsibility when I started high school I began to also work there almost 25-40 hours a week most of them on the weekends. Business wasn't good enough for us at the time afford another employee so we had to the best. I was skipping school a lot and messed all my grades and just didn't pay attention to it because I had no plans to attend college. During this process I missed out on my high school years I didn't go to prom or my senior trip because I had to work. Shouldn't I be I was getting 250 dollars a week with no bills to worry about. I learned a lot working there met a lot of people at 16 I was in a sense running my own business I had a lot of responsibilities there like doing all the banking and managing the inventory and managing the employees. Every time I'm sitting in class in college now and my professors are taking about accounting, management and human resources I feel I'm just learning to official terms for it because I know and have practiced a lot of the stuff.

Any suggestions and judgments welcome PLEase help and suggestion guys
and THANK YOU VERY MUCH

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 11, 2012   #2
I have been working at AK Food Mart,is my fathers convenient store and gas station I have been working there for almost 9 years. I really enjoy working there even though I started working there justmy first intention was to helpgive my father a helping handout and soon. I began takeing over more and more responsibilityieswhen I started high school I began to also workand worked there for almost 25-40 hours a week most of them on the weekendsduring my high school days.Those days the income from thisbB usiness wasn't good enough for us at the timeto employ an outsiderafford another employee so we had to the bestmanage things ourselves.Therefore I had towas skippingskip classesschool a lot and messed all my grades. and just didn'tHowever, I gave priority to our family businesspay attention to it because that time I had no plans to attend college. During this process I missed out on my high school years, I didn't go to prom or my senior trip because I had to work. Shouldn't I be I was getting 250 dollars a week with no bills to worry about.( consider taking off this sentence because it confuses the reader)I learned a lot working there met a lot of people atHowever this exposure helped me mature as a businessman and at the age of 16 I was confident in a sense running my own business.I had a lot of responsibilities there like doing all the banking and managing the inventory and managing the employees.I developed many business management skills such as HR, Accounting, Communication etc. through this real life on the job experience andEveryevery time I'm sitting in class in college now andI listen to my professorsare takinglecturing on these subjectsabout accounting, management and human resources I feel I'm just learning to official terms for it because I know and have practiced a lot of the stuff.arrange my real life experiences in a more organized manner that would help me fine tune my business management skills further.
OP awaqar714 3 / 8  
Feb 23, 2012   #3
dumi
THANK YOU VERY MUCH I REALY APPRECIATE ALL THE HELP can I send you some money through Paypal or something and can i help me edit a couple of other essay i can send you the money first. I'm am a horrible writer but a great student i need this for my transfer common app
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 23, 2012   #4
Dear Salman,

No ... I work here as a contributor with the intention of helping others at my best ability. So should you need any help you can always approach me and dont think bad about it. It's my pleasure to help you with improving English :)
OP awaqar714 3 / 8  
Feb 29, 2012   #5
DUE TOMMROW PLEAES HELP I DID MY BEST PLEAE HEP AND THANK YOU

Tell us what you'd like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests

Since I was a young man, I have always found myself attracted to the allure of running my own business. This wasn't because of the money or the power. Not even the prestigious status that I may be able to one day attain through it. Rather, I found myself drawn toward its principles, strategies and ethics. To me a business is like a well-oiled machine. It's intricate, yet simple. However, if just one of its many parts is not in sync with the others, it could result in a catastrophe. That is where I find myself; overseeing this well-oiled machine that is a business and to assist in its day to day functions. I would also like to have the chance to someday build my own machine from the ground up. In order for me to achieve this, I know that I need the best education possible and that is where Cornell comes in with its Applied Economics and Management Department. Business has become so important not only to myself but to the entire world. For the most part, our planet has become a capitalist society and in order to succeed in this type of a society, one needs an abundant amount of knowledge and understanding. I hope to someday have just that; knowledge and understanding of applied economics and business management. Because, what has captivated me most of all is that a business has the ability to change the world and in turn affect the lives of those around us. I managed to form my first business at the tender age of 9 years old. I would sell stickers to the kids in my class while in third grade. I then began selling Compact Disc's (music CD's) that I would reproduce on my computer at home. My parents tell me that even before this I had been very business minded and would always come up with a new idea to make some money. Once I was a bit older, I began working for my Father at his grocery store in Rochester, New York. I learned so much about the inner and outer workings of running a successful business that I was captivated from that day forward. I knew that business and economics was definitely something that I would want to pursue. By the time I was 16 years old, I had pretty much taken over my father's store and assumed that I was well on my way to becoming a successful business owner. I had already mastered (or so I thought) Human Resources, Customer Relations, Accounting, Marketing, Planning and Managing within a grocery store/gas station environment. It had always been my plan to permanently take over the family business after completing high school. I knew that it would be a good source of income for me as I had already become a successful operations manager. However, I soon found myself wanting so much more out of life and would often dream of running an international corporation. However, I knew that I could never achieve this without a strong formal education to back up what I have already learned. Because, today's global environment makes it necessary for us to gain both knowledge and experience in our chosen professions. In the fall of 2010, I set out on my path towards becoming a business guru. I began my journey locally with Monroe Community College, wherein I was able to hone my skills as a student once again. I wanted to begin my career with a community college because I knew could not afford the high costs off attending a university or private college for six straight years. By studying at MCC first, I have developed into a very studious individual. Now, it is time for me to move on to something bigger and better. MCC has taught me a lot, however being only a 2 year school; they can no longer provide me with the education needed to achieve my goals. While researching possible schools to attend, I came across some wonderful information regarding Cornell and the programs they offer. The way I see it, Cornell is the only school that can provide me with the level of knowledge and expertise that is required in my chosen field of study. The beauty of business is that it can change the lives of the people influenced by it and I know that Cornell would give me the opportunity to do the same.
partooz 5 / 13  
Feb 29, 2012   #6
There are major errors throughout your essay (the first essay posted on this thread). The beginning of your essay starts off with a major run-on sentence. You do mix your essay with simple and complex sentences but you construct your essay with no attention to grammar. Also, your essay does not flow as smoothly because you introduce different concepts and anecdotes into improper areas. I would introduce another paragraph to split your different ideas. Your essay has some uniqueness but needs major mechanical repair.


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