Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


I've learnt about value of education and importance of improving from one generation to the next


blueeyesw 1 / -  
Oct 6, 2014   #1
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

A few years ago, my father told me a story that would forever shape my outlook on life.

My father grew up in a ramshackle two-bedroom apartment inside a public housing complex in Hong Kong. To claim that his family earned a modest living would be overstating the truth: they were poor. His father, or my grandfather, worked at a coal mine near the northern border of Hong Kong while my grandmother washed dishes at a Chinese restaurant. All of my father's older siblings, my uncles and aunts, were forced to drop out of school to support their family's livelihood. However, given that a stable flow of income was coming into the family at the time, as well as the fact that he was the youngest of all his siblings, my father was afforded the luxury of pursuing his academic interest without the being obligated to work to support his family. It was this freedom to fulfill his academic potential that led him to graduate from high school and complete his A-Level qualifications.

None of my father's family had previously graduated secondary school let alone contemplated further education. However, this precedent or lack thereof did not deter my father. He applied to several institutions in Hong Kong and in the United Kingdom, half-expecting none of them to accept him. As rejection letters came through the mail, his chances gradually dwindled and all hope seemed to be fading. Just as he was about to come to terms with the reality of not being able to further his education, an acceptance letter came from the University of Nottingham came through the mail. Despite being overjoyed about his accomplishment, the harsh reality dawned upon him abruptly: his parents would probably not be able to withstand the financial burden of sending him overseas. Shortly after informing his parents of this accomplishment, his father took him to a bank. Confused, he stood silently as my grandfather emptied his bank account, which contained his life savings, and handed it to him. Along with a sizable grant from the Hong Kong government, my father was able to graduate from university, where he met my mother, and establish a highly prosperous career in business. To this day, my father has been the only member of his family to graduate university.

This story has taught me two valuable life lessons. Firstly, as my grandfather believed decades ago, the value of education transcends all material wealth and possession. My grandfather sacrificed everything in his power so that his son could have the opportunity to break the mold of being confined to the same poverty stricken future as the rest of his family. Although it was not much in terms of amount, my grandfather decided to bore the uncertainty of living life with limited wealth in the near future in the hope that his son might someday be more successful than him. My understanding of the value and importance of education has driven me to take the most rigorous courses in my high school curriculum, motivated me when studying the baffling nature of quantum physics, compelled me to persist with deciphering seemingly incomprehensible Shakespearean literature, enervated me in many of my academic endeavors and will continue to do so in the future. The second lesson that I learnt is the importance of improving from one generation to the next. Although my father has raised the standards considerably, he has provided me with the resources I need to succeed in a career of my choice. Whether it be in law or economics, I am determined to build upon the platform that he has given me and forge a successful career in my chosen field and benefit the community around me.

(thank you for reading, feel free to criticize any aspect of this essay)
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 6, 2014   #2
Blueeyesw, while the story of your grandfather and father is very touching and hits the right emotional notes, it is a very shallow basis for a background story that would compel an admission officer to consider you for admission to the university you are applying to. The story you told is central to the identity of your family success. It does not illustrate a strong story that tells us how your identity --- who you are, what you have become, came to be. What did YOU pass through in life that brought you to this point? What was the biggest character building scenario that took place in YOUR life. We need to learn more about you, not about the history of your family. So while this narrative is very good, it fails to deliver the expectations of the prompt. It is weak and does not help advance or promote the possibility of your uniqueness as a person which would make you an excellent addition to the university community.

You still have time to develop another essay that is centered upon YOU. Not your father, not your grandfather. Their story, although connected to education, does not resonate with the reader. All we learned about you from this essay is that you value education, all college applicants value education, that is why you are applying to college in the first place. We learned that you will be the second in your family to potentially graduate from college. Guess what? Nothing special about that either. The life story of your parents and grandparents compel you to do well in school, it's a pretty common foundation of college application stories from foreign students. What you need is a story that will make you stand out from the crowd of applicants. Find that special story about you and tell it. That will show us the central event in your life that helped build your identity.


Home / Undergraduate / I've learnt about value of education and importance of improving from one generation to the next
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳