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'Leaving home at the age of 16' - Common App Essay


verca 1 / -  
Sep 2, 2012   #1
Hello, I need some reviews on my commonapp essay. I am going to apply to Stanford and I do not know, if it is good enough. I am from Slovakia and this is about my experience as an exchange student in the US for a year. Thank you for any comments.

I have never thought that at the age of 16 I will leave my home, my family and all the friends and travel to a different continent for a year. After getting the information about where I am going to fly to and my new family I will live with for next few months, I had just three days to pack all the things needed in order to survive the upcoming year. [..]
troy1993 - / 2 1  
Apr 13, 2015   #2
I have never thought that at the age of 16 I will leave my home, my family and all the friends and travel to a different continent for a year. After getting the information about where I am going to fly to and my new family I will live with for next few months, I had just three days to pack all the things needed in order to survive the upcoming year.

I can proclaim without any doubts I am a brave person. I travelled throughoutacross the world to meet and live with a family (foreign people) I have had notnever met. My English skills were pretty good already then , but thinking all the time in other language was asome kind of challenge. But for an excited teenager that did not play a big role. I'm confused it a was big challenge but it didn't play a big role?? Definitely I have gained a lot of courage during the year, too.

Being far from home longer and longer(longer and lover what?) , I had to face many struggles. I learntlearned to be responsible and solve all the problems with cold head. As the time was goingwent by, the sorrow for home (homesickness) came. That year cost me many tears, but I value each tear that came out of my eyes, because each one of them, made me a stronger person.

Frankly, the school was very easy for me; I was the best student at the school. Although, it taught me a lot. I always tried to be helpful and so I used my knowledge and to tutored kids the subjects,(no comma) they had difficulties inwith.

Since the school was project based, we had many project works to complete. It opened me a new doorway to a world of creativity and cooperation; whereas many projects were team ones. Timing, meeting with teammates and putting together ideas is a great deal of work. It may seem easy, but in reality each one of us is different and has different suggestions and views.

Not always there is a person to help you when you need it the most. Choosing going alone also means to overcome our own fear of being alone and the fact not being accepted by others. Now it was up to me to choose the right people to be friends with. Before I found those people, I was of course mistaken, but with pride I can say I found some lifetime friendships.

During the exchange year I learnt to be open-minded and always smiling person with positive attitude. DespiteDespite is not the right word here me being positive, smilingI think you mean smiley and helpful, most of the kids at high school liked me and it resulted at prom, where I was elected to be a prom princess.

Yet I stand on my own feet and I am chasing my dreams. I found my passion in travelling and getting to know people from various countries. I want to learn about new countries and relations between them that is why I know international relations is the path I want to follow
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Apr 13, 2015   #3
Change your tense. You are speaking in the past. Change have never to never and will to would. If you describe it as the friends you leave the reader questioning who you are describing. If you say my friends, the reader can associate them with you. (They are your friends) Just add the before next few months.

In English we say, I've never met you or I haven't met him. By using contractions correctly, you can sometimes avoid a misunderstanding in English. Also, other language is expressed as another language. It is confusing when you say a big role. You don't have to start the sentence with "Definitely".

You repeat the word longer. Some people say for a long time because they were gone longer than expected. I know you don't mean a cold head. Did you learn to be responsible and solve your own problems? I don't know if this is how you felt. The word homesickness is a good word to use. You want to express, "I became homesick". This was a feeling you felt when you were away from home too long.

I would delete although. If you use the word although to begin this sentence, I would expect you to continue to explain what you were taught. You tutored subjects the students had difficulty learning. Is this correct? I would change this sentence because it was confusing. Were these projects team projects that let you be creative and work with other students? This is what I think you mean by this sentence.

I think when you start this last paragraph you think that being in another country you may need others to help you, but may not always receive it when you need it the most. I think you have learned many lessons. Some of those lessons seem to be overcoming your fears. You should avoid using the fact in this essay. Please delete! You are using your own words. In English, sometimes we say lifelong friends or friendships that will last a lifetime. It really has the same meaning, because the person expects the friendship not to end. Learnt is not an English word. Maybe it sounds like it ends with a t, when you heard it. The actual word is learned because it is what already happened. You did this in the past. There were three traits you had open minded, a smile, and a positive attitude. If you use the word Despite, it seems negative and not positive. I think you just want to discuss that the kids liked you and elected you as prom princess. The only other change is a comma after them in the last sentence.

I explained the changes this way so you make your paper better. I learned a second language and it can be difficult to write in another language if it is not your first language. My best advice is to read your essay again when you make changes to it.

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