Hello everyone, this is my first college essay ever so please correct any grammar or content mistakes I have.
In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
290/300 words:
As a young boy, leaving war-torn Kabul, Afghanistan for Chicago was a blessing. I was ecstatic to finally go to school, play safely outside without bomb and rocket threats, and sleep soundly through the night. However, my Mother's joy did not parallel mine. She was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder. As her son, I could do nothing but watch as she wilted away day by day. Ironically, my memories of her depreciating health sparked my love for Psychology. Psychologists gradually healed her through sessions of group therapy, relaxation techniques, and behavioral therapy. At times they would visit our home for one-on-one work with her. I was amazed at how these people were able to cure my mother without stethoscopes, pills, or syringes, but rather their kind words.
As I grew older, I wanted to further expand my interest in Psychology academically. I chose to take AP Psychology my senior year and through this course was able to appreciate the field even more. Neuropsychology became particularly interesting to me, a branch that deals with the function of the nervous system, chemical imbalances, etc, and how they affect behavior.
At the University of Illinois, I plan to major in Psychology so that I can build a solid foundation for my final goal: medical school. I look forward to becoming a Psychiatrist so that I can integrate my love for Psychology and Neuropsychology together. In school I have done several research papers on various medical topics such as interventional surgery and the implications of music therapy on behavioral disorders. Once I have an established career, I dream of returning to my roots and working in under-served communities around the world to give impoverished families quality medical care they otherwise would not have access to.
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My ending sentence seems kind of rough, how can I make it better?
thanks a lot everyone
Ironically, my memories of her depreciating health sparked my love for Psychology.
This is not at all ironic. It is the opposite of ironic. Watching someone wrestling with psychological problems naturally sparks interest in psychology.
That's a minor point. Overall, this essay is on its way to being very strong. You have a compelling story and clearly have a genuine interest in your chosen field of study.
If you want to draw out your conclusion, you could note that people in war-torn regions very often have need of psychiatric care but this is the least available form of medical care. If this interests you, you could say that you hope specifically to be able to help people struggling with the same sorts of consequences of war-related trauma as your mother endured.
One more note: Do not capitalize psychology, psychiatrist, or similar nouns. I know that this is done in other languages, but modern English restricts the use of capital letters to proper nouns. You may wish to review the rules on that.
