Common Application Personal Essay
6. Topic of your choice
I'm pretty damn lucky. I've grown up in sheltered suburbia, on tree lined streets with well manicured lawns. Violence and crime are words I associate with turning down the wrong street late at night, or watching the eleven o'clock news. I wear nice clothes, my haircuts cost fifty dollars and there is usually a way for me to do the things I really, truly want to do. I am not a millionaire, but I have never had to have a job in order to feed myself; I have only ever had a job to buy myself things I don't really need. I've been across the country, across the ocean; I've had opportunities my parents didn't have and some of my peers don't have. I don't believe money is equivalent to happiness, but I believe it promotes it, and reduces stress.
But money does not buy perspective, it does not buy intelligence, opinions, or common sense. Yes, it can buy experiences, but only you can make the experiences worth something. It is a common misconception that those that are well off are less knowledgeable, that they have no concept of pain or tragedy, of hardship or adversity. But it is just that, a misconception. Everyone comes from somewhere, everyone has an experience they consider tragic. Just because my grandfather died in a well lit hospital room as opposed to on a dark street corner, it does not mean I didn't lose something. Hardship haunts people from all walks of life, not just those that are less well off. No, I can not provide a compelling sob story about the death of a loved one or about a house lost to a hurricane. I can only say I have had experiences that have given me perspective, even if they are not the experiences generally associated with great tragedy.
I have made my experiences worth something. I have taken the time to appreciate when I have the opportunity to travel somewhere, when I have the opportunity to learn something new, to do something different. I have not gone through life blind to all the things that have been given to me; I have opened myself up to all possible experiences. When I leave where I am now, when I leave the safety of suburbia, I'll hopefully continue to create experiences for myself, hopefully through success, and continue to open my perspective to new things.
I opened with I'm pretty damn lucky, in the hopes that this will make someone want to keep reading but I'm not sure if this was the right way to go about doing that. I'm afraid that this essay makes me sound arrogant or unemotional, I hope it doesn't but I've read it over a couple more times and am concerned it might.
I've actually seen that, and love it, but I'm not so much a creative person, so trying to write something like that wouldn't go well for me. But thanks for the input. Ill try and revise more so I like it better I suppose.
I think "creating experience" is fresh, but using money to creat may not be liked by many peopel in addition to your first paragraph ,which talks about your freedom to do whatever you want.
Moreover, If i were you, I'd try to tone down a little bit to avoid flippancy even though those words are your original thoughts.
Still, I really like the way you say "creat experience".! It's more active than you simply say " I experience"
Hope it hepls.
Liz.
, in the hopes that this will make someone want to keep reading but
Nope. It just is not successful as a hook. If you say something unexpected, that is cool, but only if it has something to do with the theme of the essay.
I wear nice clothes, my haircuts cost fifty dollars and there is usually a way for me to do the things I really, truly want to do.---I think this is dangerous, because the AO reader really might start to hate you if she is not able to afford $50 haircuts!
I just think the whole essay lacks substance. If you were writing an essay to express yourself, and not for an application or school assignment, you would only write something AFTER you got a great idea you wanted to share. Only after you think of a great concept worth sharing can you write a good essay.
If you have read enough professional journal articles associated with the fields that interest you, I think you will be able to come up with a concept that will make readers really feel that they gained important insights from the essay. As an example, google this essay:
Thoreau civil disobedience
:-)
