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'not only legos' + 'life's unpredictability' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality


Xavier19 4 / 7  
Dec 25, 2011   #1
Prompt:
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

My story is not one where the hero gets the girl and rides off into the sunset, nor is it one of great sadness or triumph over evil. I wish it were, but sadly, that's not me. My world is a much simpler uneventful one to live in, for I am but a simple student. For as long as I can remember, I have always had a driving motivation to create, to build, and later, to learn. It began for me at age 3, when I was gifted my first set of Legos. Although there were only 400 of them, I created beautiful sceneries, epic skyscrapers and learned to play out grand stories of Tolkien and Rowling proportions.

For the next few years, my obsession would grow to encompass not only legos, but also books. I was engulfed into the proverbial ocean of knowledge. To be frank, I am not by any stretch of the imagination a person who loves to work, nor am I a person who particularly loves to study, but at the pull of my curiosity I have on late nights spent hours searching the internet scouring for interesting information. Tidbits of history, rare books, and paranormal anomalies all were subject to my endless googling search. It has been said to me to never stop learning, because once you do, you can no longer grow, and if you no longer grow, you die. I am in my deepest heart of hearts afraid to die, not in the physical sense, but in a broader sense than that...I am afraid to leave the world without knowing, without creating, without leaving a lasting impression.

Opinions Please?

Prompt:
What matters to you, and why?

Life's unpredictability is what matters most to me. Life is one of the most underappreciated things in the world, and that is what makes it so valuable to me. My life is random, and that is what I love so much about it. I schedule varies day-to-day, each decision from the day prior influencing and that, and nothing is what is expected. I appreciate the small that usually go unnoticed by people. Nothing makes me feel better than dropping a $20 bill in a homeless man's Starbucks cup, or tutoring a junior high school student on how to draw their favorite cartoon character. What matters most to me is the sound of my sisters giggling as I tickle her until her eyes water.

My grandparents matter most to me. They practically raised me and taught me all that I know. The sound advice I got while watching the Jetsons with my grandpa, the hot chocolate grandma makes early in the morning. They matter to me. There is no one single situation that matters to me more than another, I appreciate life, because I know that it can be gone so quickly. My sister's giggling as I tickle her until her eyes water. These are just a few things that I have learned to be thankful for. There can be no right answer to this question, because any human being with a heart cannot choose just one thing that matters most to them, life is filled with situations and people that help to make you the person you are. Without any of those situations, you will be incomplete, which is why I try to appreciate all of them, from the A+ in Precalculus to being grounded on a Friday night.

Questions, Comments, Concerns?
makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
I like your first essay. It's strong especially with the ending. It has an emotional impact and you effectively bring out who you are, but the beginning is kind of too grandiose where you say "My story is not one where the hero gets the girl..." Maybe you want to condense that a little bit.

The 2nd essay is confusing. You dwell on two things that matters instead of one because when I first read the essay, I assume your focusing one matter, but when I read the 2nd paragraph, I was confused on why you switch the topic to your grandfather with no clear transition. Try focusing on one matter instead of two and build specificity so you can effectively show the reader a clearer image of yourself, not a large image with low resolution. I hope you get what I mean.

Good luck with Stanford!

Oh, and can you give my Common App - Extracurricular Essay a read?
OP Xavier19 4 / 7  
Dec 25, 2011   #3
Revised:

Life's unpredictability is what matters most to me. Life is one of the most underappreciated things in the world, and that is what makes it so valuable to me. My life is random, and that is what I love so much about it. I schedule varies day-to-day, each decision from the day prior influencing and that, and nothing is what is expected. I appreciate the small that usually go unnoticed by people. Nothing makes me feel better than dropping a $20 bill in a homeless man's Starbucks cup, or tutoring a junior high school student on how to draw their favorite cartoon character. What matters most to me is the sound of my sisters giggling as I tickle her until her eyes water.

The sound advice I got while watching the Jetsons with my grandpa, the hot chocolate grandma makes early in the morning. They matter to me. The advance reading copy of my favorite book, the scent of my girlfriend's hair, the feel of warm sand on a pacific beach, the sound of a guitarist belting out a sonata. What matters most to me? What doesnt matter at all? Life is too precious to not appreciate every detail from the irritating buzz of a bumble bee zooming around your head to the scent of cookies baking on a rainy day. There is no one single situation that matters to me more than another, I appreciate life, because I know that it can be gone so quickly. There can be no right answer to this question, because any human being with a heart cannot choose just one thing that matters most to them, life is filled with situations and people that help to make you the person you are. Without any of those situations, you will be incomplete, which is why I try to appreciate all of them, from the A+ in Precalculus to being grounded on a Friday night.These are just a few things that I have learned to be thankful for, and I have thousands more, but alas, there is a word limit.
Walden 2 / 30  
Dec 26, 2011   #4
the word limit at the end is witty but it kinda should not be there because it makes it seem that you are going to keep on listing things. It is ok to list a few things but you need to include why these matter not just say "because they are simple". If not the essay seems to lack direction. Sorry if it was a little harsh...just trying to help.

If you can, may you please look over my essays for stanford? i reeeaaaallly wanna get in so i need a lot of editing any help is appreciated :))


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