the word "things" is hardly ever specific enough. If you are going to write things you might as well write something more specific, like "characteristics."
but wait a minute, this whole first line is meaningless! Why waste 26 words stating the obvious!? No, say something meaningful. Say what you look for. Say what you look for that others perhaps do not. What is your unique view?
No talking about small class size or faculty to student ratio. I am forever telling people not to do that. My opinion is that an admissions person must get so sick of essays telling them what the school brochure tells them...
You are biology/premed, so you should give your philosophy of science and medicine! Read the intro to The Body Electric
by Becker for inspiration.
, in my opinion,
is empowering the people within a certain community with equal opportunities and resources necessary to reach their full potential.---it's not your opinion; it is what equity is.
In the 21st century people of different races, socio-economic classes, and gender are shedding away those insignificant aspects of their lives that others tend to classify them by.
I don't think this actually proves that equity is achievable. Perhaps it is more achievable than ever, though.
This is good material. Sorry if I seem critical about the first one, though -- but I think you need to write it when you are more inspired. It is to be more aout you than about the school.