Tobi.... your essay 1 has lots of problems to begin within.
I believe that Lehigh University is a great match for me for many different reasons.
Your starting is like a text book question answer and not at all a college essay response. Your sentence that is your introduction should be catchy... a little informal(maybe)...something that gives an essay a lift. Your introduction is a put off.
First of all, Lehigh University is an excellent academic institution and has a great athletic reputation
The college is not wanting a pat on the back from you. Its sheer waste of space. See, its YOU who is writing this response and everything should portray your character. They must see that you are a person that they would like on the campus because he is different.
I am someone who is definitely looking for a place that is well balanced in both departments.
Who doesn't look?
both student and professor to have a more personal relationship.
How do you know this? Do other colleges not have this?
See, each line has these really sentences that tells me nothing. In simple example, today I can erase Tobi and write any name... the essay would remain the same. Get it! It lacks your flavor.
1) You could write about the major your taking and write about a research the college is doing in the particular field and say you are interested in it. That shows you took pains to research what the college has been doing and shows more passion for college then praises for its size or things that really are buttering. This research thing is only point of all you can write about yourself. But that no one can help as you know yourself the best and also....that's what's unique about you. ;)
Tell the essay more about you.
SECOND ESSAY....
This year whenever I read such an essay I found people slipping in one mistake, we can say that they should not do. DO NOT generalize your essay. Be specific. Am example, when your writing on say....animals....then don't write that we should be kind or we should stop cruelty...be specific. Talk either about Animal testing, Vegetarianism....one point. Shows you as a mature person and not a school boy. So, I would suggest you to rework the whole of second prompt.
I think that these are really good essay but for school stuff... not college.
Rework them and post them up...so we can work on it more. Cheers.
Hope this helps.... :)