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Lehigh Supplements-good match?, equity and community


liltobsta 1 / -  
Dec 19, 2010   #1
Please comment and give me any suggestions for changes thanks!!!

o Why is Lehigh a good match for you? What contributions will you make to the academic experience and to campus life?
I believe that Lehigh University is a great match for me for many different reasons. First of all, Lehigh University is an excellent academic institution and has a great athletic reputation. I am someone who is definitely looking for a place that is well balanced in both departments. Also, the school is located near two big cities (Philadelphia & New York City) and is in a beautiful and historic city that offers any student a variety of things to experience. The campus is absolutely stunning and the size of the school presents the notion that it has that "big school feel" while not being too large. The size also presents the opportunity for both student and professor to have a more personal relationship. As a student at Lehigh University, I will do my best to uphold the prestigious tradition that has been established by being a responsible student in the classroom and behaving with class and decency on campus while setting a precedent for future students. I will be a student that can be of service to other students on campus either by tutoring or being involved in other things. In high school, I have proven to be someone my comrades and underclassmen can reach out too and ask for assistance. This mentality will surely follow me as I commence a new chapter in my life. Overall, I truly feel that Lehigh University is a place where I can receive a great college experience and grow as a human being.

o In our ever-changing society, people have defined 'equity' and 'community' in many different ways. How do you define these terms and what are the implications of equity and community for our 21st century society?

The 21st century has brought an era where the words "community" and "equity" must work in unison to maintain the once so basic relations between peoples. In our world today, Communities must be defined as unified bodies of individuals working for the common good of all peoples. Equity must be the acceptance of peoples and the freedom from bias or favoritism.

The fact is that we live in a society that has been globalized by the modern marvels of technology such as the modern cellular device and social networking. These things make a community so much more than a group of people with common interests living in a single area. A "community" no longer consists of a person's parents, neighbors, mailman and something; it has expanded to a point where different cultural, intellectual and financial backgrounds intersect one another (much like a university). With so many foreign facets now being added to our communities, "equity" must act as a foundation for this inevitable growth. "True equity" is much easier to achieve when a community has a common interest. Due to of all these changes, it is imperative that people learn to accept of things they may not be familiar with.

A city near the southern border of Canada offers a glimmer of hope for our 21st century communities. The city of Toronto, also my hometown, is currently one of the most diverse cities in the world. Half of its inhabitants are immigrants that now call the city their home. It is truly amazing how so many people with different backgrounds can essentially create and maintain a city and make it their own. The city takes on a unique personality without straying from the international roots of its creation.

Surely the answer is clear. We must be willing to embrace the equity that is required for our 21st century communities to ensure our survival.

Tobi Salako
donrocks 5 / 120  
Dec 23, 2010   #2
Tobi.... your essay 1 has lots of problems to begin within.

I believe that Lehigh University is a great match for me for many different reasons.

Your starting is like a text book question answer and not at all a college essay response. Your sentence that is your introduction should be catchy... a little informal(maybe)...something that gives an essay a lift. Your introduction is a put off.

First of all, Lehigh University is an excellent academic institution and has a great athletic reputation

The college is not wanting a pat on the back from you. Its sheer waste of space. See, its YOU who is writing this response and everything should portray your character. They must see that you are a person that they would like on the campus because he is different.

I am someone who is definitely looking for a place that is well balanced in both departments.

Who doesn't look?

both student and professor to have a more personal relationship.

How do you know this? Do other colleges not have this?
See, each line has these really sentences that tells me nothing. In simple example, today I can erase Tobi and write any name... the essay would remain the same. Get it! It lacks your flavor.

1) You could write about the major your taking and write about a research the college is doing in the particular field and say you are interested in it. That shows you took pains to research what the college has been doing and shows more passion for college then praises for its size or things that really are buttering. This research thing is only point of all you can write about yourself. But that no one can help as you know yourself the best and also....that's what's unique about you. ;)

Tell the essay more about you.
SECOND ESSAY....
This year whenever I read such an essay I found people slipping in one mistake, we can say that they should not do. DO NOT generalize your essay. Be specific. Am example, when your writing on say....animals....then don't write that we should be kind or we should stop cruelty...be specific. Talk either about Animal testing, Vegetarianism....one point. Shows you as a mature person and not a school boy. So, I would suggest you to rework the whole of second prompt.

I think that these are really good essay but for school stuff... not college.
Rework them and post them up...so we can work on it more. Cheers.
Hope this helps.... :)


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