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'Lessons from my friend' - 12TH GRADE COLLEGE ESSAY CHECK


lizziemando 1 / 6  
Sep 5, 2012   #1
Sometimes, the best friends that leave a lasting impact on our lives aren't just the ones who go with us to parties and are considered our gossip buddies , but the ones we confide our innermost secrets and emotions in. They are the ones we run to for advice when parents don't understand, the ones we laugh with when we need a break from the day-to-day challenges, and the ones we promise that we'll be at each others weddings in the near future. They are the ones we consider our siblings. My best friend is the guy who's heart is filled with love. He is a boy full of enthusiasm. Through his simple and easy thoughts, he has become my role model in many ways. He has made me come to understand the sense of responsibility, care for others, and most importantly, acceptance.

As we both grew, I was no longer able to see him as much and be as close to him considering he was two grade levels ahead of me. He has already been meeting many others in the real world, college. However, he continues to transform my life with his words and actions. I can go to him with whatever problem I encounter in life . He has taught me many lessons in my existence, all of which have molded will continue to mold my life in its entirety. He has affected every aspect in my life; from the way I dress, to the way I perceive life. I consider it as a phenomenal thing because he has showed me the great things that can be accomplished in life, has taught me many great things like to believe, to forgive, and to have faith, and has inspired me to become successful in everything I do.

I went through a rough patch in my life where I felt like it was all crashing down on me. My family had broken apart, my social life was destroyed, and I thought there was no point in even trying to be happy anymore. What I finally realized is it's how you recover from the situation which makes you improve in the future and that you learn from your mistakes. I was in the mode of giving up when I almost didn't realize I was extremely blessed to have a great individual right there next to me to pick me up when I was falling. Rather than drowning me with compliments and tip toeing around my feelings he was one to tell me straight up how

Everything that my best friend has done has been chances for me to grow. While being with him has been spectacular, I have learned valuable lessons along with it all. Without him knowing, he has given me a chance mature along with him, and he has enriched my life with his acceptance for others. In his simple and easy thoughts, I have seen the never ending learning experiences through life.

anki145 - / 3  
Sep 5, 2012   #2
Hey.
This is looking good so far, but can you please provide the college or university you are applying to, any word length restrictions, and the formal topic that was asked? I feel as though it would help readers, ones other than myself as well, to better understand the perception of your essay.

Also, you may want to elaborate a bit further on the rough patch that you went through and the specific steps your friend took to help you through it. As of right now, I personally feel as though the essay is a bit vague. If you can explain the specifics-- what you were wearing when you heard the news of your family, when you realized that your social life was destroyed etc. For example, at the end, I might say something to the effect of, "Rather than drowning me in trite compliments and allowing me to wallow in self-pity, he forced me to accept the situation for what it was, deal with it, and continue on with my life." You may want to check the sentence at the end of that paragraph because it is incomplete.

You may want to include a small line or two about how this new found perspective your friend has given you will help you in college. While it is not necessary, it provides another way for the college to connect who you are as a person to you academics, talents, and social life.

Good luck!
OP lizziemando 1 / 6  
Sep 5, 2012   #3
Thanks! I'm actually not applying yet, it is a practice. The essay has to be at least 350 words. And yeah I figured it was a little too vague but didn't know if it wouldve gotten too detailed and off topic if I talked further into my family issues. Because I tend to do that.
anki145 - / 3  
Sep 5, 2012   #4
I completely understand where you're coming from because I am currently in the same boat. I am sending in my own college application essay in the near future, so I figured helping, and reading, essays on here would help me to further understand how to write my own essay.

Also, I feel like it could probably use a few more details to make it easier for the reader, admission officer, to connect to. As of right now, and I am really not trying to be rude here, it seems like anyone could have written it because while you describe interesting attributes about your best friend and how he helped you through a rough time, you haven't gotten into detail enough on what the issue was and how he helped you take specific steps to resolve it.

It's getting there. :) Good luck!
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Sep 6, 2012   #5
Hi :) I have some suggestions.

Sometimes, the best friends that leave a lasting impact on our lives aren't justare not only the ones who we gossip with andgo with us toattend parties with us,and are considered our gossip buddies , but the ones that we confidetrust with our innermost secrets and emotions.in. They are the ones we run to for advice when our parents don't understand, the ones we laugh with when we need a break from the day-to-day challenges, and the ones we promise that we'll be at each others'future weddings.in the near future. They are the ones that we consider ourto be like siblings. My best friend is thea guy who's heart is filled with love. He is a boy full of enthusiasm. Through his simple and easy thoughts, he has become my role model in many ways. He has made me come to understand thea sense of responsibility, careempathy for others, and most importantly, acceptance.
OP lizziemando 1 / 6  
Sep 6, 2012   #6
No you're not being rude at all, I totally understand. I realized I need to write more about how he impacted me rather than making it all about how great he is. Thanks a lot anyway! And Good Luck with your essay! :)
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Sep 9, 2012   #7
Nice work, you have improved upon this essay since the last draft I read. I think you have great content, and a good way of telling the story. These problems and emotions can happen to anybody, so the reader can relate to your hardships. A best friend is the largest pillar in your support system, a best friend will always be there for you- and that's what he did :) I will try to suggest some adjustments to your final sentences.

While I was hereclose to giving up , he was able to accept what was going on, praying and smiling to the world, because he knew he couldn't do anything about the negativity around him. Watching him be such a happy personfocus on happiness while going through such a terrible time has truly impactedaffected me. That is when I had finally realized that it's how you recover from the situationmisfortune which makes you improvestronger in the future.

Everything that my best friend has done has been chances forgiven me the inspiration to grow. While being with himhis companionship has been spectacular, I have learned valuable lessons along with it all. Without him knowing, he has given me a chance to mature along with him, and he has enriched my life with his acceptance for others. InBecause of his simple and easy thoughts, I have seenthe strength and patience to face never ending learning experiences.through life .


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