I am a self proclaimed eccentric. Thus, it seems only fitting that my college be as "crazy" as I am. Now Oberlin fits this bill perfectly; I don't think I have ever come across an institution that is so deeply in love with its albino squirrels, or so fanatically obsessed with its womb chairs. And, to add to its quirkiness, Oberlin's environment is truly an epitome of liberal utopia - A wonderland where I would be free to voice any opinions, and sing my favorite Justin Beiber songs without any fear of being judged or disparaged.
Oberlin's novelty doesn't just end with its liberal student body and faculty; it pervades every facet of life at the college, including the academics offered. I mean what other place allows any undergraduate student with a decent idea to create and teach their own course? I'm certain that only Oberlin can be "cool" enough to undertake as wonderfully unique an initiative as the Exco classes. Teaching has always come naturally to me, whether it had been tutoring my brother's class before finals, or enlightening my friends as to the implications of the financial crisis on our beloved Manchester United's fortunes. Thus, I find the prospect of being able to lead a bunch of intellectually diverse Obies into the realms of my very own esoteric interests particularly enticing. I just hope that the Committee will approve of the Exco class I have in mind, a study into modern dating science (come on now, we all want to unravel the tantalizing mysteries of the female mind).
Oberlin's tunes strike a deep chord with me, both literally and figuratively. To begin with, I confess that I have a notoriously eclectic nature; from soccer and game theory, to cognitive dissonance and community service, I am deeply in love with the most varied of pursuits. Having always prided myself on being a very faithful lover, I just can't see myself being cruel enough to give up on any single one of my interests in college. Such a scenario would have presented me with quite a dilemma had it not been for the divine intervention of my womb-chair wielding savior. I have been stalking the Oberlin Blogs for over a year now, and still find it truly remarkable to come across the tales of so many Obies who managed to stay true to all of their passions, and indulge in them fully throughout college. Oberlin is clearly the kind of place where my side-dreams won't get crushed under a stack of books, and where I can receive all the encouragement and mentorship I need to pursue the wildest of my fancies. And to top it all off, the performances at the Conservatory will mean that I won't have to stay up till three in the morning any longer to catch rerun's of Chopin's Nocturnes (yes, my musical tastes are equally diverse) on VH1 Classic.
I think you guys would have to give me the liberty to write a novel (I wouldn't put it past you) if I were to go into all of my reasons for choosing Oberlin. I could tell you about my entrepreneurial ambitions, and how Oberlin's Creativity and Leadership project will provide an ideal platform to help me implement my ideas and fashion them into reality. Or I could chatter away about my plans to continue community service at Oberlin with the Bonner Center's CBL courses. However, I do not want to wear your patience thin just yet, and am thus going to conclude with a very honest confession. It's true that I don't consider Oberlin's academics to be the best in the country, and nor do I believe its economics program (my preferred major) to be the most comprehensive. However, I am a man who has always had the bigger picture in mind, and am certain that I will be the happiest at Oberlin. The place absolutely reeks of all the values and qualities that I hold so dearly myself- a quirky and fun approach to work, an ultra liberal acceptance and appreciation for all opinions, and an adamant resolution to effect change through innovation and creativity. Oberlin feels "just right" for me and I would like nothing better than to spend the next four years of my life there.
THANKS A LOT
"Thus, it seems only fitting that my college be as "crazy" as I am. Now Oberlin fits this bill perfectly" I wouldn't necessarily describe the college as crazy. Maybe take this out and keep going with the idea that Oberlin is accepting of your true identity and makes you feel comfortable with who you are as a person and a student
"I mean what other place allows any undergraduate student with a decent idea to create and teach their own course?" Try rephrasing this a little, for example:Of all the colleges I researched, one aspect that made Oberlin unique is that the faculty gives students with promising ideas the chance to create and teach their own course.
"I'm certain that only Oberlin can be 'cool' enough to undertake as wonderfully unique an initiative as the Exco classes." I would suggest taking out this sentence. It sounds kind of sarcastic.
While you describe your interests/reasons for applying to Oberlin and how Oberlin would help you obtain the sort of education your looking for perfectly, your have exceeded the word limit way too much.
As far as I remember it was around 250 words right? This is well worded and in addition to your Mohawk essay may do good to your application, but if I remember well you've crossed suggested word limit there too, right? Now, I am not saying I am up for not crossing the word limit (I've done it my CommonApp essay!). I understand how difficult it is to express yourself in a small space. However, doing so could either be a plus for your application (in terms of letting the admission officers getting a better perspective of you) or be a setback. Setback because the adcoms wish to see applicant's ability to express themselves succinctly. Considering your essays, this could be detrimental to your application because it would not be fair to judge you on them while others have stuck to the suggested limits. It would be like giving you an inadvertent advantage over others. I hope you understand me on this.
I may be wrong, of course. This essay could do great if they look at it in the positive light. But I just wanted to give you my opinion about it. I think the essay is written well.
Good Luck, fellow (prospective) Obie! ;)
I would really appreciate if you could read my Tufts Optional Supplement essay thread and leave a comment. :) Thanks!
I really like!!! Usually people tend to formal themselves up when they are writing and it makes them sound boring. You on the other hand seem to stay very true to yourself and I like that. Don't change a thing. I would run it pass an English teacher for grammar, cause I'm not good at that. But besides that, Bravo. I good luck in your college education.
Hi :) Nice job with your essay, your essay shows your personality well, and it is obvious how passionate you are about your school. I like the way you write, but in a few places it begins to sound too casual. Definitely try to portray yourself in the best light, which would be to write from one professional to another (admissions). So, I selected a few things that you may want to change, just suggestions.
1) (come on now, we all want to unravel the tantalizing mysteries of the female mind).
2) Having always prided myself on being a very faithful lover, I just can't see myself being cruel enough to give up on any single one of my interests in college.
3) I have been stalking the Oberlin Blogs for over a year now,
4) I think you guys would have to...
5) The place absolutely reeks of all the...
These are some things that you may want to re-examine, but alltogether you have a great essay, and I wish you the best of luck :)
