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How my life has changed, and so have I ( UC/ Common App prompt)


collegebound15 4 / 7  
Nov 21, 2011   #1
Education is your ticket to freedom, a saying that lately I have not taken lightly. Honestly, my life has been pretty easy. Compared to other people I haven't been through half of what they have. I have only had one hard time in my past. There was conflict my whole life, but it the bomb didn't hit until Sept. 2010. I was rushed out of my house, looking back leaving my father behind. " We're leaving." , my mother had told me. I grabbed my jacket and rushed to the car, in fear of what would happen next. That day, changed everything I was used to. From then on my brother and I had to switch between houses. Two days with my father at the house we grew up in, and 5 days with my mother at my tia's house. Sacrifice is the best word to explain what my life has become, one big sacrifice.I sacrifice my time, because now 4 days a week I take care of my younger brother. I sacrifice my social life, because I work during my free time trying to save up for when I live on my own. I sacrifice my relationships because my biggest fear is to end up like my parents. Instead of letting everything consume my life and stress me out,I feel like this has all made me grow up as a person. Something I will need if I expect that freedom, if I expect to succeed during college. My biggest dream my whole life has always been to just be successful in whatever way life takes me. Even though my parents divorce is the hardest part of my life, I continue to strive and move forward.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Nov 23, 2011   #2
" Education is your ticket to freedom" , a saying that lately I have not taken lightly.

Honestly, my life has been pretty easy, c ompared to other peoples.

I haven't been through half of what some of them have.

There was conflict my whole life, but it the bomb didn't hit until Sept. 2010.

That day, ---No comma here.--- changed everything I was used to.

Sacrifice is the best word to explain what my life has become, one big sacrifice. I sacrifice my time, because now 4 days a week I take care of my younger brother.

I sacrifice my relationships because my biggest fear is that I will end up like my parents.

Instead of letting everything consume my life and stress me out, I feel like this has all made me grow up as a person.

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)
mwazit 1 / 2  
Nov 23, 2011   #3
Seems a bit rushed, I feel you should go a more narrative route. But it's a very strong story, It really creates emotional appeal, just spend some more time on it.
fanciemammal 1 / 4  
Nov 25, 2011   #4
Instead of saying you havent had any challenges in your life, say you were blessed or something. Mention how grateful you are for all of the great things in your life, otherwise you sort of sound spoiled. I have sympathy for your story, your life changed so quickly it sounds, also if education= freedom, think on what that really means, and mention it. what does freedom mean for YOU personally, just saving money to live alone? I don't think so. Good luck and I hope the best for you.
marengunnell 2 / 4  
Nov 28, 2011   #5
Campared with those of other people----not "other peoples"

But I love how you used "tia" instead of aunt. :)


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