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"a life changing journey"- Georgia - What will you learn and contribute?


shadowfax 5 / 22  
Jan 11, 2011   #1
Hello! This is my essay and I am sure there are some grammatical errors. Please judge as harshly as you can and be candid. Also, please tell me if it is attention grabbing and if it answers the prompt. thank you in advance!

I opened my eyes to stare at the infinite darkness of the night sky, but sleep took me over again. Hours later, my peaceful sleep was interrupted with a loud beep followed by an announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen please fasten your seat belts." As the stewardess walked through the aisle, I could hear the hydraulic lowering of the landing gear. Anxiously, I looked out the window to see the magnificent downtown Cincinnati. Finally, my dream of being in the land of opportunity came true. Excitement filled my heart and ebullience swept across my mind.

Rewind back two weeks; I was at my childhood home in a city called Hyderabad in the second most populous country, India. As a thirteen-year-old kid, I walked on the unpaved roads, played on the noisy streets and shopped in the crowded markets of my hometown. Playing street cricket and soccer on the weekends, studying, and doing my homework on the weekdays, I was a typical child immersed in studies. However, two weeks before the flight that would lead to my future, my mom said, "Sai, we are moving to the United States."

The statement that my mom said to me four years ago still echoes in my mind, for it was a life changing event for me. Since my mom was offered a job to teach in a rural South Carolina town, my family moved to this beautiful country where there are endless opportunities to explore. As we settled into this provincial town, I was enrolled in a private school by my parents so that I would be "acclimated to the American culture at a fast pace." However, neither my parents nor I foresaw the nightmare that I was going to face in that school.

Not only did I have poor knowledge of the English language and the American slang, I was also not familiar with the American culture. It was easier for me to solve an algebraic problem than to understand what my classmates said. Pronunciation made events more worse. Therefore embarrassment and verbal abuse became a part of my life the first year in the United States. Even though I was among many kids of my age, I was treated as a total misfit. Isolated from kindness and friendliness at school, I was distraught over my decision of coming here. This made me question my belief of why I thought the United States was the land of opportunities.

Apart from the culture-shock that I experienced in the United States, academics was another big surprise for me. Due to my limited knowledge in English, literature and sciences became very hard for me and this led to my ignorance of the subject, which eventually led to my mediocre grades. At this point in my life, I had to recant my earlier belief that life is not always about academics, instead it is about the skill required to excel at academics. This aspiration that was born in my mind led me to seek out the opportunities that were waiting for me in the United States. Therefore, regardless of the humiliation and the invidious giggles, I took part in many activities that helped me improve my language. From working as a programmer for Robotics Team to winning the regional STAR student award and working for my school's drama program, I grabbed every possible opportunity and drastically improved my bad situation.

As these bitterly fun-filled days of the last two years passed, I have finally adapted to the much unique American culture. In addition, I have not only acquainted with the American slang, but also spoke with an articulate American accent. In these two years, I also learned a big lesson about life and also experienced hardships that taught me many new things. But after spending two long years in that small rural town, my family moved to a much bigger city in Southwest Georgia, and it made me countermand my earlier belief that the United States was not the best place for me.

Three years after I first set foot in the United States, three years after I first left my home country and three years after I made a life-changing journey, today I am in a much better place than I had ever dreamed of being. Until today, imagery of my playing cricket, going to the movies, eating "pani-puri" with my friends still flashes in front of my eyes and echoes through my ears. Even though I am not the only person with these types of experiences, the hardships that I've faced and the lessons that I've learned remain unique to me as I was presented with unknown challenges. Nevertheless, I faced these situations with confidence and patience. I would like to share these unique experiences and qualities, along with my experience in drama and robotics, at the diverse Georgia Tech campus. Not only will I find someone who has had similar experiences like me, but also discover someone who had to face a more challenging situation than mine. Along with the spectacular education that I will receive at Georgia Tech, I will also be able to learn about many different cultures that are unique and also explore the still endless opportunities that are awaiting for me. After all, through my experiences, I want to say that life is not always about academics.

cregwilliams - / 1  
Jan 13, 2011   #2
The essay is fine,but a lot of punctuation errors like comma,apostrophe.I wish you good luck.
Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 15, 2011   #3
I opened my eyes to stare at the infinite darkness of the night sky through the window, but sleep took me over again.

Rewind back two weeks, I was at a family reunion in my hometown, Hyderabad, the second most populous country, India.

Playing street cricket and soccer on the weekends, doing homework, and pursuing my dream of being an amateur astronomer on the weekdays, I was a typical child immersed in studies.

That statement that my mom said to me four years ago still echoes in my mind, for it was a life changing event for me.

Not only did I have a poor knowledge of the English language, but I was also not familiar with the American slang or its culture.
OP shadowfax 5 / 22  
Jan 17, 2011   #4
I added this paragraph right after the third paragraph. Please tell me if it works and if it is good.
BTW, thank you so much "Some one"

Apart from the culture-shock that I experienced in the United States, academics was another hysteria for me. Due to my limited knowledge in English, Literature and Sciences became very hard for me. My ignorance of the status quo in my classes lead to my mediocre grades. At this point in my life, I had to recant my earlier belief that life is not always about academics, instead it is about the skill required to excel at academics. This aspiration that was born in my mind led me to seek out the opportunities that were waiting for me in the United States. Therefore, regardless of the humiliation and the invidious giggles, I took part in many activities that in turn helped me improve my language and also earned me a good reputation in my school. From working as a programmer for Robotics team to winning the regional STAR student award, I grabbed every possible opportunity that I could and this drastically improving my situation.

thank you!


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