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'life on the computer and on the Internet' - Weird UPenn Essay

jasononwenu 5 / 19  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.

I live my life on the computer and on the Internet. When I have free time, I would have loads of tabs on. I do not close the tab labeled "Black Swan" because I might want to watch some other horror movie later. When I'm done with that, maybe I might want to head over to the other tab to order an Italian-English dictionary. Who knows? I might meet someone who speaks Italian just when I sign up for volunteering on the next tab. Volunteering. I wonder if other volunteers like to listen to R&B and Pop music that I always have on my YouTube tab. No, they are talking about a biology assignment. How I love biology. New Tab. Search. Biology. Meaning: study of life and living organisms. This might come in handy when I become an oncologist. New Tab. Search. Cancer in Nigeria. "Breast Cancer is Rising Threat in Nigeria." This just proves my home country really does need an oncologist. Tab overload. These are tabs I will never close while I am still alive.
kathyxtrieu /  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
I love the concept, but I would try to revise it to have less choppy sentences. They might sound good because you are talking about many different topics, but the intro can be written a way different than the rest of the writing... if that makes sense..

I hope that helps!
omo5031 8 / 33  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
Your essay is really good. I like the concept however I think you should try to make yourself stand out more, use less topics. I'm with you brother on the breast cancer thing in Nigeria. I'm also NIgerian.

Help with mine please.
Johns Hopkins supplement
Good luck:)
ckpckp1994 8 / 17 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
Wow! I like the way you put it. It's very compelling. One silly suggestion, (I know they have this words limit), I would add the sound "Click!!" before each New Tab. Just to make it more realistic. Overall, You're in good shape, very good shape.

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