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'A life is the entity of all one's choices.' - A Difficult Decision - UWO Prompt


joeyng09 1 / -  
Jan 13, 2011   #1
Describe a difficult decision you have had to make and the process that you went through to make it. 250 word max.

A life is the entirety of all one's choices. The decisions we make today, may very well play a critical role in our future. When I was entering high school, I had to make a difficult decision concerning my academic future and personal future. Choosing the subjects I would take was an arduous challenge for a young man that had many ambitions. I had two paths before me: one where I could enjoy my time in high school with my friends or one where I would challenge myself and test my limits. The first route passed by beautiful landscapes; to the mass, it was the star attraction of secondary school. It was visually appealing and let one live in the moment but the taught materials that lacked substance. The second path didn't have the same beautiful scenery but had a unique view that inspired creativity and hard work. The trail was difficult but with patience and effort, would leave one with a feeling of satisfaction and pride. My parents gave me some pieces of advice about the advanced courses; however, my friends were nudging me towards the more lenient classes. After much consideration, I choose to test my limits and take a complex curriculum that peaked my interests. By deciding not to follow the crowd and choosing what I thought was the right path, the way I looked at work changed; by working hard, you get to play hard guilt-free.

Any suggestions?
I'm not too sure how to end it.
Also, am i relying the metaphor too heavily?

Thanks
admissionsessay - / 6  
Jan 14, 2011   #2
Hello Jeff,

I have reviewed your essay. It received a computer generated score of 54/100 and a human review score of 75/100. Your errors will be listed at the end of this review. Aside from a few errors, this essay reads well. Your metaphors are well placed. The only concern that I have is that you paint the road to success as being dark and drab. This is certainly not true. Remember, Universities do not want drab students who will lock themselves in their rooms studying 24/7. They want exciting students, students that will contribute to the college experience as a whole. This is the primary reason why colleges want to see extracurricular and community service activities throughout your application. As a former admissions officer, if I read this essay, I would probably waitlist you solely based on this fact. My suggestion...liven up this essay. You can be a serious student but also one that leads an exciting life as well. One last note, in your opening sentence, I am not sure if you mean entity or entirety but you should double check this. Hope this helps.


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