In addition to the Common Application essay, please respond in two or three paragraphs to the following question:
* How will you, with your life experiences, contribute to the vitality of Bates?
"I am not an over-achiever," I replied stubbornly, responding to my friend's comment after she saw my long activities resume. I hadn't set out to fill my resume with hobbies and leadership titles, it just sort of...happened. All I had done was follow my passions, take charge every now and then, and volunteer when my help was needed.
I have volunteered my time with everything from sewing buttons with seniors, to singing as Princess Leia in a family opera production, to moving 3rd grade girls through a fire safety obstacle course. I am a certified scuba diver, I play the ukulele in my spare time, I sewed the costumes for half of the Rebel Alliance, and I know how to put together a bike from scratch. I am myself and at my best when I am busy making something or helping someone else.
The summary of my life experiences is far from inspiring or exotic, but all of them have shaped who I am, and these qualities would contribute to the vitality at Bates. Merriam-Webster says vitality is, "the state of being strong and active," and I fully believe that is the best way to live and learn- to pursue one's passions. I seek out everyday adventures and next year I hope to share that passion for life and learning with other students at Bates.
things i would love comments on:
is the middle paragraph too full/braggy?
yes/no on the dictionary definition
is the first paragraph, too "go with the flow"?
I'd be glad to comment on your essay
4 hours left guys, we can make it!
I'm impressed; it is difficult to list achievements like that in an essay and still do such a well-done job, but you pulled it off due to the variety and unique, even kind of out-there things you do. You didn't list NHS and National Merit, you listed ukulele and Princess Leia- your personality shined through very well.
You rocked the dictionary definition as well. In my opinion, it ties your essay together and really bolsters your main point- definitely keep it.
I think the first paragraph is fine. I would suggest reading it once or twice more, making a couple of changes if you need to-until you feel okay with it (because when are we ever really HAPPY with our college essays?), then SUBMIT
Great job!
Would you mind looking at this for me? (It's under a different name because, long story short, I copied and pasted a part of my own work- how dumb of me- to create a new thread, and got suspended haha.. and I need help, its due in three hours!)
