Hello, I am applying to Davidson and it is my favorite school. I'm just overly worried because I procrastinate and have no teachers to look over this. It is due on January 1st, and I desperately want help! I never get a chance to visit the school, so I cannot talk much about the campus. Thank you and Merry Christmas!
Why Davidson? (300 words limit)
Life gives me chances, but I make my own choices.
I am not an American well-rounded student who plays three sports, draws perfect circles, and has a thousand volunteer hours. Chances are that diffidence will swallow me up as I face Davidson's "well-rounded" 2018 class. My choice is to ignore other applicants to fight for the place that I will call home - a tight-knit community in which individuality is emphasized and developed - in the next four years It is an incredible honor to sit down and discuss my personal interests with world-class educators. It is even a more incredible honor to be trusted by whom to have take-home tests and schedule my own exams. Davidson's Honor Code will build my trust in others and others' trust in me. As I desire, dream, and plan to be a pediatric neurologist, I understand that the mutual confidence between me, the children, and their families is very important. The Honor Code, therefore, will challenge and confirm my integrity so that when I look at a mentally defected child in ten years, I can believe that she is trying her best to get better. For this particular reason, it is best for me to expand my medical knowledge in the resourceful and thought-out Pre-Medicine program at Davidson.
In spite of everything I have read, heard, and watched about Davidson, I must admit that I am not as familiar to Davidson's residency, people, and facilities as others who have dreamed about the school for their entire lives. Chances are that I am not the right student for Davidson for now, but I believe it can make me exactly who I want to be in the next four years. Despite of all the chances, I choose Davidson College.
From my point of view, your essay overall seems in par for this school; however, there are some things that you should consider modifying or changing. As I approach the middle of your essay, you say that the Honor Code will make you believe that the mentally challenged kid is trying her best to get better. What does that have to do with believing that the child will get better? Your personal integrity has nothing to do with believing in something or someone. I would consider removing everything starting from " In spite..." You don't need to say that you don't know much about the school or that you're not the right student. Why would they choose you if they can accept the person that says they'll fit in perfectly and claims that the person has researched the school and knows it pretty well. I hope my feedback will help you in editting.
Thank you so much :D I seriously think they're my weakest points too.. It's just that I never have a chance to visit the school, but I really like it and will plan to visit this January. If I leave out the last paragraph, do you have any suggestions on how to end it on a good note?