My life in Haiti ; Challenge I have faced and how it has shaped my thinking

Question
Tell us about personal, social or family challenges you have faced. How have you dealt with them and how have they shaped your thinking? [max 500 wrds]

As a young boy, my life in Haiti always revolved around my parents. They would do everything for me, and I was content with that. Now that I had moved to the United States at my uncle's, I was pretty much on my own. "Mom and Dad are not here anymore [name], you have to take care of yourself from now on" I would often tell myself looking at the mirror in the morning.

At first, this task seemed to be daunting; I was new to the country, my language skills were poor and I had to go to a new school. Everything seemed to be different: the roads going up and down, the skyscrapers reaching for the clouds, and even the crystal white snow. Getting to explore this new setting was exciting, yet, since it was an environment that I hardly knew anything about, I could not help feeling frightened.

School was a whole different story for itself. I was in the middle of my freshmen year when I moved, and everything I had learned in French, had to be translated to English. That was perhaps the most difficult part of the transition. I could have been a lazy kid and just let time help me get better, but then I thought: "Will that really benefit me?" Completing the academic school year was my new goal and in order to achieve it, I had to study twice as hard as my classmates, while learning English as fast as I could. Countless nights had passed in the process, but seeing myself getting better after each week made it well worth it.

At some point in life, we all experience a time that makes us become more or less like an adult; a time when we grow as a person. Without any doubt I would say that moving to New York was my rite of passage. As I was exposed to a new world full of opportunities, I came to realize that only I can shape my future. My parents were not here to guide me through everything anymore; consequently, I had to think more maturely and set my real priorities in life-education. It was not always fun to not have my parents to rely on as much as before, but for the person I became after that, I am glad that I had to face this challenge.

...my language skills were poor and I was going to be in a new school.



... here, your entire paragraph revolves around one simple idea. i.e. you struggle to adopt to the new environment. I think that's overdone. You can combine this with the next one easily by removing some repetitive parts.

dumi
Hye, Thnks a lot. What part should I remove?
Also, do you think that the essay works? I mean, is it too cliche? I need to make sure that it is not coz I want my essay to make me stand out...

Okkkk...let's have a look;


.... you can make this shorter by skimming the main idea.
My point was actually, you elaborate more on how the challenges and less is told about how you overcame them. What were your strategies, efforts etc.