Please tell me what you guys think! and any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
thanks! oh and what do you think about the change in point of view?
p.s. Happy Thanksgiving!
PROMPT TWO: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
"Next year all but one of the cellists will be moving onto high school, so are there any musicians interested in learning how to play the cello and filling the void?" Mrs. Watson, the orchestra director, asked her orchestra comprised of seventh and eighth grade students. She looked around the room and saw only blank faces staring back at her until she saw a shy, seventh-grader raise her hand hesitantly.
"Tammie? Grab a cello and try it out. See if you like it," Mrs. Watson said cheerfully. The little girl got up apprehensively, walked to the back room to pick out a cello, and joined the current cellists outside for a quick lesson. The new instrument was completely foreign to her; cold, smooth wood felt awkward between her knees, and she gripped the instrument and bow too tightly, afraid to let anything drop. Soon, her whole body ached from so much tension and sitting in a different position, but it was love at first note, even though it was out of tune. The cello's warm, rich sounds melted the walls around Tammie's heart; by the time the lesson was over, she did not have any desire to return to her squeaky violin bought from eBay.
Over the summer, Tammie learned the basic notes and techniques from her violin teacher, and she practiced every day until the tips of her fingers were covered with calluses. When school started again, she was excited to show others how much she improved, but to her dismay the newcomers had been playing cello longer and were much more skilled than she. Then another disappointment: her teacher couldn't teach her anymore because he only knew the basics. Dejected, Tammie sat in the back of the orchestra wondering if she would ever be first chair cellist.
Fast forward to the present: after years of endless practicing, self-teaching, and observation of professionals, I became the principal chair cellist of the school orchestra. Switching from violin to cello was one of the best choices I have ever made. Since that fateful first out-of-tune note, I have come to realize that the only way I could live life to the fullest is to open up and try new things.
The cello has transformed me from an awkward, shy, little caterpillar into a beautiful, outgoing butterfly. This metamorphosis changed the very essence of who I am, and I can thank my beloved cello for that. Without my cello in my life, I would not be the person I am today because it lead me to try new things, open my mind to new ideas, and it taught me the valuable lesson of perseverance and hard work in the most rewarding way possible. I am glad I decided to step out of my comfort zone and switch to the cello that day because life is too short to live like a shy caterpillar.
"Next year all but one of the cellists will be moving on to high school, so are there any musicians interested in learning how to play the cello and filling the void?"
Fast forward to the present-----> I think this is a great way to write, nice job!
Use a comma:
I am glad I decided to step out of my comfort zone and switch to the cello that day, because life is too short to live like a shy caterpillar.
very descriptive and well-done essay!
Parts like "but it was love at first note, even though it was out of tune" add a nice touch of humor. It also shows your perseverance despite shaky beginnings.
Without my cello in my life , I would not be the person I am today because it led me to try new things, opened my mind to new ideas, and it taught me the valuable lesson of perseverance and hard work in the most rewarding way possible.
