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'My life in a nut shell' - UT transfer Statment and purpose essay


bribucha 2 / 1  
Feb 13, 2012   #1
Hey everyone I am writing this essay for the university of Texas at Austin it is a statement and purpose please tell me what you think!

My life in a nut shell

Starting at the age of 5 I knew I was destined to become a longhorn. It has been my lifelong dream to wear the burnt orange with pride. I have visited Austin and the UT campus multiple times for many different reasons and each time I have fallen more in love with the city and the campus, it is where I belong and where I want to purse my degree to make my way to a successful career just like all of the other longhorns before.

My goal is to pursue a degree of business in one of the most prestigious universities in America, the University of Texas at the McCombs school of Business. Once into the Business school I would like to earn my degree in either marketing or management and with that degree, become an insurance adjuster. Becoming an insurance adjuster and earning a steady pay will then open up a vast amount of opportunities to give back to the community via donations to charities and volunteer work.

A friend of mine once told me that "you are not truly successful in life until you give back to someone else". I am a firm believer in that statement because one's life is not defined by their individual achievements, but rather how an individual impacted the lives of others. Fortunately, I have been given the opportunity to group up in a family that has tried to live their lives by this philosophy. My family and I are always looking for ways to help others and our community. For example we donate money to charities, like the make a wish foundation and other local places. Another way my family and I try to help our community is by doing volunteer work. I have accumulated just over 200 hours of community service at places like the food bank, two elementary schools (Anna May Daulton and Erma Nash), as well as I am a member of the habitat for humanity's at Texas Tech, and will be participating in their spring events.

My favorite place I have volunteered at is the food bank that is located in my downtown Mansfield. At the food bank we participate in doing multiple jobs such as, bagging food into carts, moving frozen foods, and my favorite "job" is handing the food out to the people that truly need it. Handing the food carts to all of the families that need it and seeing their smiling faces warms my heart and makes all the time we spend there that much better.

By getting a degree at the University of Texas more opportunities will become available, more than any other university in the nation. To me having a degree from Texas is more than just a sign of intelligence, it is a sign of hard work, determination, and one's will to be the best.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Feb 15, 2012   #2
Hi :) You have done a very nice job with this essay. The introduction is a little cliche, but it shows your passion for the school and it's atmosphere. You get right to the point-- good, it is super important to lay out your career goals (both long term and short term) You may want to add in a sentence about the insurance job- how the job itself would affect you as a person. Then, continue with the notion of giving back to your community (also a great thing to mention). Re-read this out loud, and correct your minor grammatical issues (you are missing a few commas, and some phrases could be re-worded). You have a solid essay overall. I think any school would be happy to have you as a student. Good luck :)


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