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Life is a process of learning, studying, and changing. Keep a kindness nature when becoming an adult


darkforest168 1 / 1  
Sep 27, 2015   #1
Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event,formal or informal,that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture,community,or family.

Life is a process of learning, studying, and changing. School gives us opportunities of learning,family gives us supports for growing, community gives us chances to contribute. In the process of transitioning from childhood to adulthood, we effected by the our family, our culture, our community, and our background.We experienced different things that shaped who we are today.

I had been living with my mother in China for the past fifteen years, then moved to United States when I was fifteen. I went to live with my dad and my three half-siblings.Taking care of my siblings not only means to take them home after school, cook for them, take bath for them, and take them to park, but also have to set myself to be a good and positive role for them. I learned how to be patience from months of being taking care of my siblings, and I figured out that there are joys of taking care of my siblings: my siblings use English to talk to me which can improve my oral English, they always have interesting thoughts about things, and they always ask me for help that makes me feel like I am important and contributing to my family. I learned how to be the eldest sister and how to be responsible. Even sometimes is hard to study and taking care of siblings in the same time, especially when I had a really hard time in the beginning of studying English, but I am actually changing and became a better self because of my family experience.I've never know how to be the eldest sister , I've never what are the responsibilities as a part of a family, I've never know how to be independent if I didn't have a chance to live with my dad and my siblings;I was a timid girl who would cry when my mother is not around, who was very relying on the others, who were never thought given but wanting from a family. My family experience had taught me how to become a tough person, how to confront hardships, how to overcome obstacles, how to be a leader, how to become independent, how to take care of others, how to contribute, how to given, and how to tolerate...All of those are because of my siblings and my family give me chances and time to learn to be an adult.

My family and life experience forging me to be a better self to easier to adapt the different environment, my multicultural background makes me better to understand and tolerate different cultures. The most important thing that I got from my family is how to tolerate people, and accept the facts that we can't change. I feel thankful that my family give me chance, patience, and time in the transition from childhood to adulthood. We are all changing in the life learning process, hope that we will all keep our kindness nature in the change process from childhood to adulthood.

help me with improving,proofread, and check if I answered the prompt. (my english is poor) thx!

anfernee 6 / 19 13  
Sep 27, 2015   #2
School gives us opportunities of learning,family gives us supports for growing, community gives us chances to contribute. you should not use comma to connect different sentences.

In the process of transitioning from childhood to adulthood, TRANSITION

we effected by the our family ------ Are affected

We experienced different things that shaped who we are today. I think it is quite confusing when you used present tense in the beginning and then the past tense.

then moved to United States when I was fifteen. I went to live with my dad and my three half-siblings ---- you may combine the two sentences as " United States with my dad and my three half-siblings, when I was fifteen"

but I also HAD to set myself to be a good and positive role for them ----model

in the change process---- changing

I made some suggestions above. I can see that your grammar and word choice are relatively poor but the essay is moving. Perhaps you can define the adulthood in your culture and family so that make the essay clearer.
hasbi 29 / 42 23  
Sep 27, 2015   #3
I've never knowknown how to be the eldest sister

I feel thankful that my family gives me chance

My family experience had taught me how to become a tough person, how to confront hardships, how to overcome obstacles, how to be a leader, how to become independent, how to take care of others, how to contribute, how to given, and how to tolerate..etc,.,

there are so many kinds of experiences, why you didn't grouping this matters. i think you shouldn't mention one by one.

please pay attention and carefully to use SEMI COLON (; )
OP darkforest168 1 / 1  
Sep 27, 2015   #4
I would keep that in mind thank you very much


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