Prompt: There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised - your family, home, neighborhood, or community - and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
At the age of 12, the family I had grown up with was torn apart. Not by death or by injury or by consequence, but by divorce. While this is possibly the hardest thing I have had to endure, it taught me the value of perseverance.
As my parents explained to my siblings and I that they were getting divorced, we were stunned; unable to comprehend the magnitude of their words. Slowly we started to experience what the words "Your Dad and I are getting divorced" really meant. We wouldn't be able to see our Dad after work anymore. We would have to move once Mom sold the house. We would have to go back and forth between houses. We would have to witness more arguing than even before the divorce. These all became very real after a short while.
Eventually all of this worry and stress from the divorce manifested within me. I started to become very angry at the world, not willing to accept my situation. I became a hermit, locking myself in my room for hours in an effort to escape my fragmented family. This anger and pain lasted for a long time, but eventually I overcame it. Instead of dwelling on the past, I learned a very valuable life lesson: what is done is done, so move on. Overcoming the effects of divorce was emotionally exhausting, but through this experience I learned to lift my head up and push through the difficulty towards a brighter future.
It appears that you are not fully answering the prompt here. What you are doing here is describing how an event (Divorce) had an impact on you rather than how your life changed after the divorce and how your environment influenced you. - Admissions Advice Online
Okay thanks for the insight. So maybe I should touch on how this perseverance would later play a role in my life? SUch as taking hard classes, working 2 jobs, etc.?
You may need to elaborate a little more on how you rose up from such eventful situation as well as the implications the event have brought you.
I would like to help you with your essay.
I think you answer the prompt because you describe your family situation. However, there is very little information regarding how you persevered. You have two examples that is very vague to the reader. You state that you learned to "move on". You also state: "I learned to lift my head up and push through the difficulty towards a brighter future."
Here is a suggestion that could help you:
1) Did you begin to work harder in school and get better grades?
2) How has that situation made you stronger today?
3) What was your motivation to succeed?
I think you should elaborate more on "the anger and pain" that lasted for a long time.
You might want to talk about how you overcame it? A specific person helped you, a hobby, passion?
You definitely described the environment but talk more about yourself.
-Slowly, we started to...
- ...from the divorce manifested
with in me.
- I started to become very angry
atwith the world,..
not willing to accept my situation.
- ...but eventually I
overcame itwas able to overcome this agony .
KUDOS!!! For being brave and courageous to face life's challenges.
You made a very moving essay out a not so fortunate event in your life, but hey, I believe before this event, there were good memories too, right?
I suggest writing about those precious moments too. It will also help you remember your parents the way they were and the way they will always be.
Going back, supplement essay's can be heart warming and mostly out of or personal experiences however I suggest that we should always be objective and remain true to the calling of the subject of the essay. Keep it up.
At the age of 12, the family I had grown up with was torn apart. Not by death or by injury or by consequence, but by divorce.
At the age of twelve, my family where I had spend my beautiful childhood and grown up was separated, it is not due to any physical harm or incident, but divorce.
Hope you will like it.