Martin H. Fisher a physician and doctor once stated "life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth." Being part of a community that is willing to do whatever it takes to fulfill their desires and needs is what I have always dreamed of. As a child my father and I used to have long conversations in which he gave the usual "I want you to be better than me in life", that every parent tells their children at one point in life. I live within the invisible walls of what many consider the average middleclass family amongst both of my parents and three sisters, for which I have taken on the task to be a good example academically and socially.
Seeing how my parents have suffered throughout my entire lifetime, I have a desire, dream and willingness to earn my baccalaureate degree in agronomy. growing up in a middleclass average family I was not able to enjoy certain benefits as others would, which is why I started working with my father where I realized why was it that we used to have those long conversations. Seeing speckle after speckle of sweat dripping from my father's face; and his body inundated in sweat as if he had jumped into a pool greatly depressed me and gave me the desire which I now have to carry out my dream.
I am a very competent person and will take on any task imposed on me without the aid of others; over passing my limits to achieve what I want without failing. Over the past year attending my current academic institution I have gained valuable skills such as multi- tasking, responsibility, perseverance, and leadership which have transformed me into a stronger and bolder person that does the impossible to be successful in life. Life has not given me many opportunities which is why I ask you for the opportunity to allow me to prove myself and demonstrate that I am capable of undertaking and competing at any level that you may desire, I want to fully give and expose myself to Texas A&M university and I can assure you that it will not be regretted. I consider that rather than impossible to overpass ones limits is as if the water would turn upside down. Overcoming my limits has given me the wisdom to value life and the opportunities that it has to offer. Life revolves around ones decisions as for me the decision is to give to others my learned knowledge and experience throughout life.
Reciting in the United States often times gives the perspective that Americans have the choice of choosing and making decisions on doing whatever it is that we want to, but often this does not apply to everyone. Being able to have the choice to attend a higher educational institution and to pursue my baccalaureate degree is more than what I could ask for because I often do not have the privilege to make choices within my life. As a boy I had always dreamed of someday being someone important that others could look up to, a symbol for my community in which children as I once was; could proudly see me as an example to fallow their dreams and free themselves from the barriers that people often place on them as young kids. I often have fantasies of attending football games, working out within the Rec facilities or simply walking to my class and placing a penny on the Lawrence Sullivan Ross statue for good luck on my exams, nevertheless I plan to turn these fantasies into realities.
Hey,
Good essay. Here are a few things I would change/add. Also, maybe talk about what limits you've had to overcome and how that relates to your current "academic discipline". I don't mean to be too maticulous, just trying to help.
"where I realized why we used to have those long conversations."
"Life has not given me many opportunities which is why I ask you for the opportunity to allow me to prove myself and demonstrate that I am capable of undertaking and competing at any level that you may desire, I want to fully give and expose myself to Texas A&M university and I can assure you that it will not be regretted"
^^^sentence is a run-on^^^ I would put a period here and maybe inform the reader of what they won't regret...maybe say something like this. "desire. I want to fully give and expose myself to Texas A&M University, and can assure you that my accepance will not be regretted"
"Life revolves around ones decisions as for me the decision is to give to others my learned knowledge and experience throughout life."
^^comma after decisions^^ cross out "to" between give and others
maybe reword this sentence...
"I consider that rather than impossible to overpass ones limits is as if the water would turn upside down."
If you could possibly look over my essay that would be awesome.
Regards,
Spencer
P.s I am applying to A&M as well as UT for spring 2011.
Martin H. Fisher, a physician, once stated, "Life is a ticket...
Notice all the changes... a comma after stated, no need to mention both physician & doctor.
I have a desire, dream and willingness --- desire presupposes willingness. This might be overblown here...
...to earn my baccalaureate degree in agronomy. growing up in ---- Capitalize that G.
a middleclass average family I was not able to enjoy certain benefits as others would---- like what? middle class America = ridiculously rich in other cultures. All you are missing is the stuff enjoyed only by upper class Americans, so this might not really help you to win over the AO reader who is probably also middle class American.
Oh, I see what you are saying about Dad having to work hard... so, you should maybe discuss his sweaty work instead of social class.
without the aid of others---- we live in an era of high speed collaboration.
...my community in which children as I once was; could proudly see me as an example to fallow follow their dreams and free themselves from the barriers that people often place on them as young kids.
I think you should get more specific about what you want to do. I really like the idea about life being a ticket to a show!!
