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Life in Vacaville / ILAC - UC statements 1 and 2


kyledood 2 / 1  
Nov 26, 2008   #1
#1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Vacaville. Ah yes, my hometown, the epitome of suburban America. I come from a place where all the houses look the same, all yards are neatly groomed, and minivans rule the roads. For me, the town is monotonous and unexciting and I do not enjoy living here. As much as I hate to admit it, this town, my school, and those around me have greatly influenced my life.

Because life in Vacaville was often mundane, I had to find something to get my adrenaline pumping. When I was a young kid, I developed an interest for baseball. Nothing was more fun to me than standing in the batters box, staring down a pitcher who possessed marginal ball control skills, and trying to get a hit. Baseball was my life through junior high and it contributed to who I am. I played in numerous leagues, traveling ball, and even all-star teams. When I started high school, I had to make the difficult decision of whether to continue with baseball or to focus on my studies. Baseball was my favorite pastime but it wasn't going to be my career. I decided to hang up the glove because academics would be more important for my future.

I grew up near an Air-Force base, and I have done a fair amount of travel, so airplanes have always been a part of my world. My love for them led me to go to numerous air shows, cockpit tours, and even the occasional ride along. While I initially had dreams of being a pilot, my interests have evolved into designing, improving, and building things. These interests have led me to set my goals on becoming an engineer. While baseball was fun, I see engineering as a pursuit that is both challenging and rewarding. This new-found career goal led me to work even harder in school, especially in my math and science classes. I see school as a foundation for creating my career and my future.

My parents have taught me the importance of learning what exists beyond the immediate horizon. I have been to most of the states and have even spent a month traveling in Europe. Going to so many places has helped me learn a great deal about our world and why people are the way they are. While I was in Europe, I saw many interesting places, including the Alps, numerous cities, giant cathedrals and museums, and historical landmarks such as Dachau. Every place I have visited was unique in its own way and has shown me a new perspective on the world. Traveling has given me a sense of culture and has been a very significant influence on me.

I have learned that a person's interests and passions are what make them unique. Both in school and in my community, I have taken pride in doing what I love. I see college as an opportunity to develop and hone my interests while I prepare for a fulfilling and invigorating professional career. (499 words)

#2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

ILAC- Individuality, Leadership, Acceptance, and Compassion. This acronym of positive characteristics is known as the camp counselor's code. At Camp Noel Porter, my fellow counselors and I strictly lived by this code.

Camp Noel Porter is a small church-affiliated camp located in the unspoiled wilderness surrounding Lake Tahoe. For many years, I attended camp for a week each summer. I participated in fun activities, met new friends, and always had an amazing week. During the summer of 2008, I became a camp counselor. I chose to do this so I could give back to the camp and become a part of the campers' lives for a week.

Before meeting my first set of campers, I went through a week of counselor training. My initial nervousness was quickly relieved by the experienced counselors who molded us rookies into positive role models for the upcoming campers. Their training built on my common sense, responsibility, leadership, and overall demeanor and shaped me into a competent and knowledgeable authority figure. I was being trained to be more than just an observer; I was being sculpted into a leader. To put it simply, the week was amazing, I was given the opportunity of leadership and it would be all in my hands to make it happen.

As a counselor, my primary responsibility was to make sure my campers were safe at all times, whether on a rafting trip or in the middle of the night. I also served as a friend and mentor to them, helping the homesick feel at home, encouraging the shy ones to create bonds with their fellow campers, and alleviating the occasional pre-teen drama. I was essentially their guardian for the week and they looked up to me and trusted me as a leader.

Counseling was not only rewarding for me but also fun. My campers helped rekindle my inner child, which I had abandoned when starting high school. They were like my little brothers for the summer, and I have fond memories about the fun times had in Tent Six.

Being a camp counselor taught me a new sense of individuality, leadership, acceptance, and compassion. The experience also gave me an opportunity to learn about myself. It taught me that my ability to exercise good leadership can be a benefit to me as well as others. It helped me trust my decisions and made me feel like I was in charge of the outcome no matter what cards I was dealt.

I believe being a camp counselor has helped me prepare for the challenges that lie ahead in my lifetime. My career goal is to be an engineer, and all of the engineers I've spoken with have emphasized that teamwork, trust, and collaboration are essential for success. As a camp counselor, I worked with a collection of teams that relied on the success of each other. Counseling has helped me realize that I am not only a good and consistent team player, but that I can also be an inspiring and trustworthy team leader when given the opportunity. (509 words)
kevin02720 - / 14  
Nov 26, 2008   #2
These do not need much revision, but I'll contribute my thoughts below...

ESSAY 1:

Vacaville is in California, right? Maybe you should change the opening line to: Vacaville, California.

Consider adding the word "however," like this: As much as I hate to admit it, however, this town, my school, and those around me have greatly influenced my life.

Use a comma to separate the compound sentence: Baseball was my favorite pastime, but it wasn't going to be my career.

I have learned that a person's interests and passions are what make him or her unique.

ESSAY 2:

Use a comma after the word "demeanor," because the comma is necessary to separate the two halves of a compound sentence.

Here is a run-on sentence: "To put it simply, the week was amazing, I was given the opportunity of leadership and it would be all in my hands to make it happen." You can fix it by putting a period or semi-colon after "amazing." Also, use a comma after "leadership."

You wrote: "I was essentially their guardian for the week and they looked up to me and trusted me as a leader." Use a comma after the word "week."

I believe that being a camp counselor...

...and all of the engineers with whom I have spoken emphasized...

Nice closing sentence!
Great job, good luck in school!

Kevin
OP kyledood 2 / 1  
Nov 26, 2008   #3
thanks for the advice


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