If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.
An early memory of mine involves often visiting the immunology laborites at which my parents worked. My curiosity led me to touch, pull, and poke anything I could get my hands on. I once "borrowed" a pipette and test tubes from the storage shelf, hoping to assimilate with my parents' lab coat-clad co-workers. However, I was most amused by the shiny handle of the emergency safety shower. With both hands grasping the handle, I pretended to be the world's greatest gymnast - except my valor was interrupted by a sudden rush of ice cold water. I was drenched from head to toe. The cold water gave me rude awakening, but in the end, I had fun playing around in the lab. More importantly, I realized that the lab was a place of discovery, excitement, and innovation. It was a place I definitely planned on returning to again and again - at least after being grounded.
I probably won't be stealing pipettes and hanging from shower handles any time soon, but the thrill and fervor for discovery I received as a young researcher can be hard to come by in a realistic world. Such thrill can only be perpetuated in a passion and energy fueled environment, an environment that Duke not only possesses but also has continually strived to progress. As a relatively younger institution, Duke encourages a sense of progressivism that I have not discovered in other top colleges. Such spirit is especially invaluable to my intended field of study, and it is encouraging to know that Duke will compel me to explore beyond my boundaries. At Duke, with its vast expanses of ethereal woodlands, proud, Gothic architecture, and pleasant climate, my resources of inspiration will be boundless.
My engagement in biomedical research was renewed when I attended a Juvenile Diabetes Charity Walk. I will never forget the sea of children I encountered, with insulin boxes bouncing to the rhythm of their footsteps. I felt vulnerable yet secretly intrigued by such a silent and otherwise invisible disease. What was it that made insulin the nectar of life and death? Why were particular children susceptible to the disease? What could be done to improve the standard of living of those children who suffered? My once naïve angst for discovery was now employed for the purpose of the common good. I was not allowed in the laboratory, yet I devised a method to conduct research through bioinformatics and online databases. Using only a computer, I compiled genes that could potentially cause type 1 diabetes. It is inspiring to know that one day my finding may contribute to enhanced therapeutic methods for type 1 diabetes.
At Duke, I will be fortunate enough to experience the frontiers of research. With boundless research and engineering opportunities in Durham and the surrounding research triangle, I know that I can easily continue my quest for better type 1 diabetes treatments. Most importantly, I admire Duke because of its mission to provide students with the skills for the betterment of society with programs such as DukeEngage. Such humility is encouraging and rarely emphasized in equally prestigious schools. Duke's dedication to knowledge in service of society will help me on my journey to transform the lives of those children I met on the diabetes walk as a child.
From stem cell research to tissue transplantations, biomedical engineering is growing at unprecedented levels. I have complete trust in that Duke University's dedication to research and dynamic learning environment will prepare me for an ever-changing field of study.
I wrote this in a hurry, and am a concerned with word choice and the overall flow of the essay. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated :)
I've come to return the favor (=
Such thrill can only be perpetuated in a passion and energy fueled environment I think it makes more sense to say "passionate"
My re sources of inspiration will be boundless.
My engagement in biomedical research Engagement doesnt' seem to be quite the right word...maybe "my enthusiasim for"
My once naïve angst for discovery was now employed for the purpose of the common good. Is angst the write word? Angst has a negative that brings to mind moody teenagers :P Try "thirst" or "yearning"
It is inspiring to know that one day my finding may contribute to enhanced therapeutic methods for type 1 diabetes. -> I was inspired by the possibility that my findings may one day contribute to...
Overall, a really good essay. You write well, and you did a good job of integrating your early experiences with your educational goals. Again, I have to point out that I love the way you word certain things. I liked how you distinguished Duke from all the other top-notch schools. One thing I'd suggest - be more specific in your last paragraph. You mention the DukeEngage program; are there any other programs, courses, etc, that interest you?
