Please read Institute Notes On Entrepreneurship (clivedavisinst.tisch.nyu.edu/object/instnotes) on the website. In your Statement of Intent, clearly identify which of these four entrepreneur types (executive entrepreneur, producer entrepreneur, performer entrepreneur, journalist entrepreneur) you hope to become as you progress in your career. Based on your experiences so far, what kinds of skills do you possess - or do you hope to develop - that will allow you to succeed as your chosen type of entrepreneur [500-750 words; double-spaced; .pdf format]?
This is the first paragraph of my statement of intent. How is it so far?
As I progress in my musical career, I would like to become a Performer Entrepreneur. In terms of skills so far, I have experience as a singer, rapper, and lyricist as well as experience with the flute and piano. I began both singing and rapping at the age of five and I would put on small performances during family gatherings. At the age of eight, I started playing the flute but most of my performances were confined to the school but during middle school I traveled a lot with my school band. We would put on lots of performances at various colleges and malls. At the age of twelve I would start teaching myself piano by ear. In 2009, I became fascinating by the sudden rap "epidemic". Everyone was rapping and I felt the need to contribute. It was something about the way the words were being put together that initially intrigued me. At that time, I had history as a writer as I would frequently write stories but Hip Hop was different. For me, being in a Jamaican household, my exposure to Hip Hop was minimal, most of the time it was the sounds of Jamaica that were blasting from my home speakers. I knew nothing about Hip Hop. The only person who I was really aware of was Eminem because he was very popular when I was young. I felt that in order to be one of the best, I had to learn from the best and in order to that, I had to do my homework. It was during this time that I would start studying Hip Hop.
This, to me, looks like a good start. But here are a few notes:
-You will definitely need to state your intent. I do not see it here. I would call this the body of your essay more so than the first paragraph. Also, it is too long to be just one paragraph. This is often how I start writing too. Get out all my ideas and then hone in on the question and figure out from there what to use, delete and add to answer the question. For example, you may not end up needing (or having enough words) to use the part about Eminem-unless, as I mentioned above you say how he influenced you to do the work that you do or how he relates to the performer entrepeneur aspect of your goals.
- I might focus a bit more on this part of the question. "or do you hope to develop - that will allow you to succeed as your chosen type of entrepreneur" At this point you have not addressed it, so if you do add it in you will need to at least reference it in this first part somewhere to tie it all together. For instance, in an introductory sentence or paragraph addressing why you are applying, maybe.
Once my passion for the genre was reestablished, I remembered why I was in love, because of its lyrics and production. It was then that I felt the need to contribute to the genre by creating music of my own .
At school, I spent my lunch periods analyzing the lyrics of some of Hip-Hop's most prominent figures: Eminem, Nas, Rakim, Kool G Rap, and Biggie, just to name a few.
Today, I have grown as a lyricist, but in order for me to be a successful entrepreneur, I must learn more about the business and production aspects of the industry. I have spent some time educating myself about the two subjects, but I have never had any actual experience. [I think you might need some kind of conclusion, maybe connecting your desire for education in those areas to your desire to go to NYU. Maybe "It is my hope that NYU, I will be able to..."]
Looks good!
WHEW! I like it a lot overall. here are some corrections:
Growing up in a Jamaican family in America, my exposure to American music was minimal . AS I GREW UP IN A JAMAICAN FAMILY IN AMERICA, MY EXPOSURE TO AMERICAN MUSIC WAS MINIMAL.It was the sounds of Dancehall and Reggae that filled my household on a regular basis.
... I remembered why I was in love, (INSERT A DASH HERE (--) because of its lyrics and production.
... Eminem, Nas, Rakim, Kool G Rap, and Biggie, just to name a few(AND A LOT MORE). I would spend my nights reading about the history of the genre and listening to the Hip-Hop's most promising contributions.
Most music out todayMOST OF TODAY'S MUSIC is watered down for this reason ...
Not only doDID I want to be a fusion artist myself , but I ALSOwantED to sever the line between Hip-Hop and Jamaican music.
A FEW TWEAKS HERE AND THERE, BUT WOW! :) PLEASE LIKE
