Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


'like any other Chinese-Indonesian' - information of interest


detrickillu 1 / 1  
Dec 8, 2011   #1
"Unless there is opposing wind, a kite cannot rise" is a Chinese proverb that really sticks in my mind, and molded me into a person I am now. The Chinese Diaspora extends to multicultural Indonesia. However, Chinese-Indonesians chose to disdain their culture to pursue foreign cultures; as Chinese were considered inferior to Western.( see themselves, their culture, and their heritage as a minority ) Apparently, my family chose to position ourselves among those who abandon their identities, find the words coming out from my grandparents' mouth as utter mumbling. Otherwise, clueless of what being Chinese is actually about. As for me personally, I was the epitome of ordinariness; passive, ignorant, with neither goal nor vision for my life. That is, until a life-changing catastrophe shook me as a person.

Just like any other Chinese-Indonesian, my parents were overwhelmed by the vast business opportunities available in Indonesia. Their unquenchable desire to succeed turned from determination into an obsession. (That feeling turned from determination into an obsession.) Without any further hesitation or consideration, they attended the most anticipated glass exhibition that was held at Guang Zhou as an act of pursuing their ambition (Without any further hesitation or consideration, they left for China to pursue their goals by attending the most anticipated glass exhibition that was held at Guang Zhou); despite of their inability to communicate in Chinese and their inadequate knowledge of the environment. Just as expected, the exhibition stirs countless fresh ideas in the visitors' mind , including my parents. By the time they exited the exhibition hall, my father, with his head held high, held a green envelope which contained a signed contract. The contract was for glass manufacturing machinery which was the first in Indonesia. But, my father's experience was as green as the envelope. His lack of experience and knowledge led to the company's inevitable bankruptcy. Nothing was left but an unread, signed contract.

Witnessing my parents' far-from-expected outcome opened my eyes about the significance of the knowledge and awareness of the outside world. It shook me as a person, and it acts as a reminder of the fact that the world does not revolve around me only; it is shaping me into someone who cares more about my surroundings, forcing me to constantly attend to people around me, and to the society I live in. In response to that awakening, I value more of education, that I chose to enter international school that offers better academic education and also offers countless external programs that enrich me as a person. (I chose to enter a Singaporean curriculum school for my primary and secondary education to provide an assuring layer of language -icing on top of my solid academic knowledge.) In addition, I also took part in social activities in the form of educational camps and charity services, making better use of my spare time by adding value to other people instead of indulging myself within my comfort zone , thus enhancing my awareness towards cultural shifts and changes that I can continually improve myself even in the most challenging conditions.

If I am accepted at Hong Kong City University, I intend on sharing my life experience with my fellow students as for them to value education and the facilities that are available to them. Voluntary organizational activity that involves fundraising is one of the various programs that I would love to organize just so that people can experience a fresh new idea that corporate with the latest societal condition amongst one another. Furthermore, I will assert myself into attending activities that relates to the major I'm taking, such as Hong Kong Engineering Week in order to acknowledge the various impacts that engineering has brought to the current society.

Any help or advice? a negative one would mean a lot to me. Thanks :D
Tobi 6 / 10 1  
Dec 8, 2011   #2
Well-used vocabulary and grammar structure, but some links between paragraphs would be very suitable. And in conclusion, I could not find the punch-line, please try to add that, then it will be the last trait in this beatufil peace of art.
OP detrickillu 1 / 1  
Dec 9, 2011   #3
thanks a lot, really appreciate your advice! :) I'll try to work on the conclusion
hedieh 2 / 3  
Dec 10, 2011   #4
Great job and really interesting I would suggest the same as Tobi maybe try rearranging your sentences to find better unity between your work.


Home / Undergraduate / 'like any other Chinese-Indonesian' - information of interest
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳