outnumber = one word
, at leastBeing raised in an environment so fraught with various animals instilled a passion in me at a very young age. And by the time I was four years old I was determined to become a veterinarian.
combine into one sentence. I think you can
Finally, <I think Guy and Lisa can be taken out. you don't use the names throughout.>
Despite the time and effort I put into trying to gain experience, something in me had changed; I still loved animals but was drifting away from the idea of being a veterinarian.
By my freshman year in high school my passion had been reignited thanks to an AP biology class that I was taking.
can be combined too.
<I'm not sure what's wrong with your spacing. New paragraphs?>
I was [filled]overcome with nostalgia of childhood dreams of being a mermaid.
At
the age
of sixteen
I volunteer my time for eight hours every Sunday during the school year and was awarded as High School Volunteer of the Year for the 2008-2009 school year session.
do you need to put this achievement? maybe just say you finally received recognition of your efforts/pursuit.
that first goal; helping animals in any way that I can.
misuse of semicolon. [that first goal of helping...]
shaped in more ways than one
[shaped me in many ways]
very cool story.some grammar errors but it's nice. also the weird spacing/enters. watch em