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'Like a stab in the heart' - UniversityOf richmond: comfort zone


lola09 1 / -  
Feb 4, 2010   #1
University of Richmond Supplement: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

When I began to write my essay, the first thing I thought of was in what way could I define my comfort zone? Is it my house, my friends, my school ? Is it being in a state of complete comfort and confidence? Yet, I still felt like those concrete words couldn't define what my comfort zone entirely is. It's more than just my house, friends, family , and school. Being in your comfort zone is knowing who you are and how you react to certain situations. Then there's always that moment where you leave your comfort zone and when who you are, in my case a determined , and what I thought to be "open minded" person is put to the test.

Nevertheless, going out of your comfort zone means taking on a risky challenge, feeling insecure, being in a situation where you don't feel at ease. I've never been one to be afraid of change, I enjoy taking on a new challenge an though at times I have to push myself, I appreciate the feeling of success. Yet you don't always choose your challenge, and sometimes they may be more than what you bargained for.

During my junior year of high school my determined sense of being and my "open mindedness" was put to the test. It was our school trip to Italy, I had never been in a country so rich in art, culture and history. As the days came to an end our final destination was Rome. Two days before the end of our trip I was awoken in the middle of the night by our counselor she had something important to tell Julie (my best friend), immediately I knew something was wrong. Suddenly I found myself packing her bags and walking her down in 40 degree weather in my pajamas to a taxi that would take her to the airport. Her father had a heart attack. About an hour later I found out he didn't make it, I couldn't believe it. For a minute you can't think of anything, and then later a rush of emotions hit you. Never had I experienced such an intense feeling. Like a stab in the heart, a simple breath falls short. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? Why? How? all went through my mind.

From then on I saw life in a different way my perspective changed as well. Someone close to me once said "It's easy in this rat race to forget where we came from and how connected we are to everything", it's true. Nowadays you live life so caught up in school, work, money and all material things that you forget the importance in everything we are given. I began to trace my steps back, remembering how would always want to make plans with us and we would always extend those plans to a later time. Then you realize that time caught up with you, faster than you thought, and those plans are now terminated. Life is all about your priorities, and how you manage them in a healthy way in which everyone can benefit. Now, my determination shifted from being what I want to do in life, to how I can make an impact; to how I want people to remember me. Because after all is said and done all that's left is just a memory. I realized you can say you are open minded yet , there is so much to learn in this world that you can never be sure that someday you will be faced with a challenge that you might not accept; and its ok. You don't always have to succeed, because many situations don't have a winner they just happen. Ultimately I understood that what we experience, no matter how difficult, is needed for our growth and deeper understanding of ourselves.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 5, 2010   #2
Change the commas to question marks:

When I began to write my essay, the first thing I thought of was in what way could I define my comfort zone. Is it my house? My friends? My school?

Don't switch from writing about me and my to "you":
Being in my comfort zone is knowing who I am and how I react to certain situations. Then there's always that moment where I leave my comfort...

and I would change it to say:
Being in my comfort zone is limiting myself to activities in which I know who I am and how I react to certain situations. Then there's always that moment where I leave my comfort...

You should watch out for run on sentences: From then on I saw life in a different way. My perspective changed as well. --- use microsoft office or some other program with a grammar checker.

:-)
Jd87rh 11 / 55  
Feb 5, 2010   #3
Is it my house? my friends? my school ?

Yet, I still felt like those concrete words ...

Then there's always that moment ...

... I enjoy taking on a new challenge and though at times I have to push myself, I appreciate the feeling of success. Yet you don't always choose your challenge ...

SuddenlyI suddenly found myself packing ...

For a minute you I can't think of anything, and then later a rush of emotions hit you me .

How?It all went through my mind.

From then on I saw life in a different waycomma my perspective changed as well.

... we are to everything", and it's true.

I began to trace my steps back, remembering how Julie's father would always want to make ...

Then you I realized that time catchescaught up with you, faster ...

Your essay is really good, I sawed interested through the whole thing.
I would say that is possible, try to make your sentences smaller. Even thought you can fix alot into one sentence by using commas it can be confusing to the reader.

Beside that it's great!


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