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"I don't like to talk" - Stanford Essay #2


trentp 2 / 8  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate - and us - know you better. (<250 words)

I don't like to talk.

It's not because I'm awkward and want something to talk about: it's because I don't like to talk. It's not because I am nervous around people and shy away from any chance to be outgoing or active: it's because I don't like to talk. It's not because I hate my voice or anyone in particular: it's because I don't like to talk.

This frustration is probably what the first few days with me are going to feel like. I can express myself in spades using a piano and pieces of square paper, but ultimately I'm a very private individual. That's not to say that I'm not sociable; I can hang out with friends and sleep over at someone else's house. I've camped out in the wilderness many times in my life; in fact, I spent my latest summer doing just that. I've even participated in numerous speech and debate tournaments.

Therefore, I certainly enjoy the company of others as much as I enjoy the company of myself. I don't make origami and play music merely for my own benefit: they're my way of spreading kindness to others. I have a bad history with language; my words seldom come out the way I want them to because I am inept at using them efficiently. Instead, I find the simple act of offering a paper crane with a smile much more endearing.

So bear with me, fellow roommate. This ball of yarn takes some time to unravel.
lynsiecheri 5 / 12 4  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
The ending was good. The first paragraph I would say needs a little work. It's kind of repeative and confusing. I do like your transitions though. It flow from paragraph to paragraph easily.
Heavenn07 5 / 13  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
Great essay! I really liked it, especially the ending line.
I think you should highlight some of your positive attributes as well, however.
em2always 15 / 79  
Dec 28, 2010   #4
very very interesting.

i would watch the phrasing about you being inept bc why would they want an inept person on campus

the concluding sentence is beautiful

the whole you dont like to talk thing seems contradicate by this statement.... I have a bad history with language; my words seldom come out the way I want them to because I am inept at using them efficiently...it seems that you dont like to talk bc your bad at talking an can not communicate effectively...if this isnt true than change your wording

this essay will definitely catch the attentiono admission officers, i say you ave a very good shot

please look at my essay on homelessness
OP trentp 2 / 8  
Dec 28, 2010   #5
Thanks for the helpful comments! All of your advice makes sense, so I have edited my essay accordingly.

I don't like to talk.

It's not because I'm awkward and want something to talk about, nor am I nervous around people and shy away from any chance to be outgoing or active. It's not because I hate my voice or anyone in particular, either. It's because I don't like to talk.

The frustration of putting up with this answer is probably what the first few days with me are going to feel like. I can express myself using a piano and pieces of square paper, but ultimately I'm a very private individual. That's not to say that I'm not sociable; I can hang out with friends and sleep over at someone else's house. I've camped out in the wilderness many times in my life; in fact, I spent my latest summer doing just that. I've even participated in numerous speech and debate tournaments.

Therefore, I certainly enjoy the company of others as much as I enjoy the company of myself. I don't make origami and play music merely for my own benefit: they're my way of spreading kindness to others. I have a bad history with language; my words seldom come out the way I desire them to. If I ever do succeed in articulating my message accurately, it is only through the tedium of endless practice. Instead, I find the simple act of offering a paper crane with a smile much more endearing.

So bear with me, fellow roommate. This ball of yarn takes some time to unravel.
Jomaha23 7 / 29  
Dec 28, 2010   #6
It sounds great to me as it is now. I was going to say exactly what the others said about your original work. The first paragraph was repetitive and redundant, but you actually changed it for good. Really impressive, I would be scared (:P) and excited to meet you if I were your roommate. It really expresses who you are.

I replied to a comment you made to my MIT challenge essay, so if you have the chance to see my reply and reply back I would appreciate it.


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