You may want to look over at some grammatical errors. A few I found within the first few sentences
My mother shot her eyes (added s) wide open, tightened her lips, and locked her jaw shut. Checkmate (no space here). Her impermeable stubbornness won.
Also, stylistically
your tenses do not agree
During my first semester of college, I grew dissatisfied with the idea of helping a few, select families - I want to help more.
too many prepositional phrases in one sentence
My battles with my mother were recurrent throughout the winter of my senior year after my sister's depression was revealed to our family
As for content, I believe you spend too much of your word count on your introduction and conclusion. When referring specifically to the prompt of what can NYU can offer you, and what you can offer NYU, your actual content numbers only a few sentences (primarily your second paragraph, and one or two sentences in the third). I would advise you to shorten your introduction, or rewrite it in a way that you can get across your desire to study public health, while not detracting too much from the prompt.
While talking about the prompt, your second paragraph is excellent as it addresses specific details of NYU that have attracted you to the school, and you also elaborate on what they can do for you. You should consider writing in the same manner for what you might offer NYU. Your third paragraph addresses much of the same that you talked about in your introduction - your desire to study a subject in public health. Either remove this, or rewrite it so that it better fits with what you can offer NYU. To that point, even the sentence beginning with "Subscribed to World Health..." does not really show what you can offer to the school, as the school would already hope/expect you to have a devotion for learning after class ends. Consider writing more about your "leadership and innovation" and how you might be involved in certain clubs or if you might hope to establish something new at NYU (which is probably hard to do considering the school's size and popularity). You may also expand on your blog and how you might hope to establish a connection with the school editorial to bring items, such as the "asian stigma" towards mental health, to the public eye.
Hope this helps!
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