I'm really struggling through the college admission process. I heard everything must be succinct and clear. However, readers often find my essay confusing.
This is my third revision for VCU undergraduate admission essay. I tried to be focus and short and clear. Please read over and feel free to criticize it.
Thank you very much.
Topics: Brief Personal Statement ï IN 250-300 words, tell us more about you and why you are considering VCU
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The birds I drew flew out to life, the little plaster elf stole my coffee, and the powerful phoenix conquered the bird kingdom with its enormous brush strokes flame. The graphite ladies are not as real as Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa but I've never stopped trying to improve.
Art and creativity are in me. I can sit for hours just to draw nonstop. Give me a pencil, I'll bring you into paper, then back to life. No, it does not have to be a pencil, just any material that can leave marks behind like rocks.
I often use visual art to express the beauty of one specific second, which won't appear for a second time despite how hard I try to mimic it. Nature beauty is one of the kinds; and natural occurrence is once in a life time. I treasure every second and want to capture those very moments.
Similar to general drawing, designing comes to me naturally. I just need to sketch, and after a long process full of effort, the sketch becomes an original and unique design. Most of my designs are clothes. My random collection currently contains more than two hundreds distinguish designs, which are not influenced by any fashion magazines or designers. Yet, from the design of a pen to the structure of a car or highways, as long as it is art, I'm involved.
I had limited access to art since sixth grade, and that makes me vulnerable for imperfection and weaknesses within my artworks. I want to have more experiences and improve myself. Then, I heard of VCU, a school that has great art program places fourth in the whole country. More than that, the campus is away from home, which allows me to have college experiences, especially at a low cost.
Word Count: 300
There's a lot of proofreading that needs to be done. And I think instead of just saying art was always in you... try explaining how and when did your love of art first began? Note an anecdote and how has it influenced your artistic abilities, because the admission office wants to get to know you.
Here's a few of the corrections I made... although there's a lot more, but unfortunately I'm on a time constraint right now so I couldn't finish. Good luck!
While the birds I drew flew out to life...
but it never stopped me from trying
Instead of art and creativity are in me... How about something like...
I was born with the talent to create art.
I could sit for hours and draw nonstop.
Give me a pencil, I'll bring you into the paper
Is I was born with creativity in art or art talent seems so... arrogant ?
Anyhow, I revised my essay, this one will be final since due date is December 1st. So, please help !!!
The birds I drew flew out to life, the little plaster elf stole my coffee, and the powerful phoenix conquered the bird kingdom with its enormous brushstrokes flame. The graphite ladies are not as real as Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa but I've never stopped trying to improve.
Beside general drawing, designing comes to me naturally. The designs looks luxury if I let my mind wanders in the dreamy world of princes and princesses. They will give a strong characteristic with short and comfortable design for anyone who wears them if my mind goes onto an adventure. The wishes to be beautiful and stand out are my goals for each piece I design, which makes my two hundreds designs are distinguished.
My arts often reveal beauty of moment, expression of events, captured scene of nature; and sometimes, those moments are unreal. My designs have the strangeness for casual wear, uniqueness with no repetition, and dreamlike of fairy tale.
I want to have more experiences and improve myself as my access to art has been limited. I want a balance in my life, when I enjoy doing what I do and still able to take care of my family. With art, I can achieve that goal. Then, I heard of VCU, a school that has great art program places fourth in the country. More than that, the campus is away from home, which allows me to have college experiences, and also at a low cost.
Art and creativity are in me. Give me a pencil... No, it does not have to be a pencil, just any material that can leave marks behind like rocks. I can sit for hours just to draw nonstop.
