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This my Literacy essay, my professor asked me to revise it to get a better grade..


ahammadchy 1 / -  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
Ahammad Chowdhury(AD)
Fiqws 10011
Oliver St. John
Date: 09/06/2016

The world was a mysterious place for every single human being until the evolution of science. As the advancement of science, we found out that our universe has its own patterns. Finally, now we came to the conclusion that every seen and unseen can be described through science (Smith,2005, p 5). But, still some of us are not aware of this fact, as a result, we never feel connected with science. And, I was not an exception from that until I got my first assignment in college in which I was asked to think like a physicist. Now, the more I think like a physicist, the more I feel connected with science .

I was born in one of the third world countries named Bangladesh where I spent most of my life. Being grown up in that country I have never been taught that I can connect myself and my life with science, although I was introduced to science like others when I was in elementary school, I was taught the meaning of the word science - 'study of knowledge' and . And like everyone I was taught that nothing is possible without science. But, I have never really believed that because I have never felt connected with science.

I learned about science since I was admitted in elementary school, but I have never realized that science is important until I was in middle school. I realized the importance of science because I learned that all kinds of technologies such as, the computer, mobile phone, telephone, cars, rockets, etc are invented through science and I also learned that without technologies we can't live our life. At that time, I felt that science is important for our lives because of its technologies, but I did not make connections between science and us as well as our world because I was not taught that not only technologies, but also our entire world running through science. As a result, I have never imagined that one day I will learn that everything we see has patterns, even the whole Universe has its own patterns.

Eventually, I got onto high school. I took Chemistry, Physics and Biology classes and I learned more about science. But, it's so shameful to say that our country's education system is highly based on memorization rather than understanding and thinking. As a result, I failed to make a connection between myself and science although I memorized a lot of science concepts by that time. I also failed to understand the concepts of science.

I was in confusion and ignorance until I was moved to America when I was 18. I was admitted into a public high school which was not good in quality. Anyway, while in that high school, I took physics and chemistry classes. As all the problems that I did in my physics class were related to the incidents that happened in our everyday life, I started feeling connected with science. Eventually, I started realizing that every incident has some kind of relationship with physics, such as while walking or running we use the action and reaction (newton's 3rd law) force to move ourselves, we see things when light reflect from that particular thing to our eyes, we can hear sound from distance because it's a wave, etc. In chemistry class, I was taught of different kinds of molecules and how they undergo through chemical reactions. As a result, I started to find out that everything we use in everyday life is made of chemicals. For instance, the shampoo and toothbrush that we use every day are made of chemical object, etc. I also realized that every incident happen in our environment goes through some kinds of chemical reactions such as, trees make glucose(food) through a reaction between carbon dioxide and water, we digest our food through chemical reactions happened in our stomach etc. And not only that but also I found that everything, the whole universe and with all its belongings, is made out of atoms. As a result, I started to realize that science is not a field of memorization, but a field of thinking and imagination. But, my idea about biology did not change and I used to feel like Biology is all about Biological environment, but I have never thought that Biology has the connection with physics! As a result, I was unable to make connections between Biology and Physics, although I was feeling connected with science.

But, that did not last long. My understanding and connection with science increased in a high amount when I got into college in 2016. I was so fortunate that on my second day of college, our professor gave us two article called "physics today" by Eric Smith (2005) and "Biophysics; searching for principles" by William Bialek(2011) which were mostly about physics and our life. By reading those articles, I could easily realize that the universe is the source of scientific knowledge, especially physics. As a result, now whenever I look at something I think about physics, for example when I see a car slowing down, I think about friction force; when I see something stationary, I think about inertia etc. And also I started finding out the physics rules which our biological environment follows and physics problems that organisms have to solve to live, for example, a bird has to use air resistance (friction force) to fly etc. Now, I believe the entire world is the foundation of knowledge and science, as Eric smith said " [T]he world is a knowable place"(5). This quote points out the fact of universality which states that universe's patterns can be described through rules (physics rules).

More surprisingly, I am not only understanding the universality of the physics, but also the connection between Biology and Physics. Now, I have learned that not only non-living but also living things have to solve physical problems to survive. For example, organisms convert potential energy to heat energy to do their everyday activities, our brain sense the signals from the environment and send it throughout the body as electrical messages, our gene transmits information across the generations, etc (Bialek, 2011, pg. 5). Finally, there is no doubt to say that Biology is highly connected with Physics.

Now I do not feel disconnected with science, rather I feel highly connected. Also, I can say that the universe is not a place of mystery, but a place to explore and learn the patterns and rules. The more I am learning, the more questions I am having about the universe. Who knows, may be one day I could get answers of all of my questions!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,325 3356  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
Ahhamad, it would be easier for us to review your essay if you had attached your professors comments. Then we could have easily given you advice as to how to improve the current essay. Without it, I will be forced to give you a new set of reviews that may or may not follow in the vein of your professors comments. Anyway, I will do my best to advice you regarding the content of your essay.

Your first paragraph is interesting to read but does not offer a clear idea as to the thesis statement of your essay. What information will you be trying to present? Why do you feel a need to present that information? What do you hope to present by the conclusion of your essay?

The formatting of your paper is quite improper. It should have proper spacing between paragraphs and sentences. That means this paper should be either single spaced between sentences and double spaced between paragraphs or double spaced in terms of sentences and accompanying paragraphs. An essay that is properly spaced is easier to read and creates a situation where the reader will be able to better follow your flow of thought.

Your current third and fourth paragraphs are too long. There are multiple topics in a single paragraph. The rule of thumb is that each paragraph should only have one topic each. I suggest that you try to outline your discussion first. Using the topic outline to develop each paragraph. This will also help you to better edit the essay for content. Allowing you an opportunity to remove insignificant information which will only take up word count and space on the page without really helping your essay to move along in the discussion.

Double check your paper for existing errors such as double words used in a single sentence, improper word usage, and punctuation errors. I see quite a number of those errors at the moment. Simply using Spellcheck in MS Word should help you address most of those problems.


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