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"literary Botox" - Ryerson Radio and Television Personal Essay


hemingway 1 / 1  
Jan 28, 2010   #1
Hi, I'm new to EssayForum, but hopefully someone will be able to help me out.

I've applied to the Ryerson Radio and TV program, and they require a 1500 word personal essay.

The requirements are as follows:

4. Tell us why you are an excellent candidate for the Radio & Television program. Within your essay, include any criteria that you decide is relevant, however, the essay should also include responses to the following questions:

a) 5 years after graduating from the RTA (Radio & Television) program, what type of career do you see yourself in and why? How would you and the RTA program benefit from your participation.

b) What work have you done inside or outside of schol that makes you stand out as a candidate?

c) Production work in the RTA program along with the industry also involves group work. Give an example of a time when you had to work with others. What was your role? What issues arose and how were they addressed?

d) Of the courses of study available within the RTA program, which are you most interested in and why? How would the non-media related courses you complete benefit you? Make reference to specific courses.

My issue is that I've written down what I wanted to write, though I've only been able to convey my thoughts and ideas in about 1200 words, is there any way I can give my essay some "literary Botox" and beef it up to the required 1500 without diluting my key points?

Also, I lack the ability to wrap up essays, so help there would be great as well :D

It seems quite informal, but at the same time I am trying to give them a bit of insight as to who I am as a person. Any and all feedback is welcome!

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Ryerson RTA Admissions Essay - Personal Essay

Hi, how's it going? I know that we aren't exactly face to face right now, nor can we shake hands either, but I figured it'd be nice to introduce you to the guy whose essay you're reading. Nice to meet you, I'm Aldo Perri. My ultimate goal, or rather what I hope to get out of the Ryerson RTA program, is to learn about what's going on, both in front of and behind the camera or microphone, and to turn that knowledge and experience into a career as a sports broadcaster.

How am I going to benefit the RTA program, you ask? The answer (unless you drive a vehicle that runs on diesel) is right under your hood. Sounds crazy, right? Don't worry, it isn't. If Dunbarton High School's student body was a car, the general consensus would be that I'm the spark plug for that car. Highly energetic, a crazy personality, and a memory bank full of facts you probably don't need to know, it's intangibles like these that define me as a person. In school, I'm currently involved with the DHS yearbook, which is a two-semester course in which I assist in organizing the layout, contributing articles, and taking pictures of students/events in the school. In addition to that, I have successfully completed courses in journalism, audio technology, and radio broadcasting (I will be taking the Grade 12 Radio Broadcasting course during my second semester this year).

Outside of school, I enjoy photography and love to play baseball in a league every summer. I also enjoy drumming as a hobby, as well as (poorly) playing the guitar. In regards to where I see myself in five years after graduating from the Radio and Television program, there are two scenarios that I can envision myself being in, though either one of them would be an incredible experience.

The first scenario is the more plausible of the two, and this would involve me working in some capacity within any one of the three major sports networks in Ontario (TSN, Sportsnet and the Score), possibly working the booth and college sports and a minor role on the air, much akin to DJ Bennett or Randy Urban. This would be a good fit for me as it requires a suitable on-air personality, trivial knowledge of sports, and the ability to quickly improvise, as not only do they integrate sports into their work, but DJ and Randy are also very good at subtly promoting the network sponsors during short vignettes, blurring the line between commercial and entertainment.

The second possible scenario is that I'm hosting my own show every night, about 45 minutes and 15 of advertising, and this would take place at either FM 102.1 or AM 590. Ideally, the show would provide callers an opportunity to phone in and discuss various issues with me, be it sports, politics, or pop culture, with the occasional guest appearance by a current Canadian band or an athlete depending on the station. The Hour with George Strombolopolous is a comparable example of what I'd like to do, just more sports-oriented.

Working with others is an important issue, and in a field such as radio or television, it can be the difference between doing a great sports show, or reading incorrect facts about players during the broadcast. As previously mentioned, I took the radio broadcasting course at my school, and a good example of teamwork that I can recall would be during the recording process of podcasts that we were required to create every couple of weeks. During the podcasts, five of my classmates and I would sit in the studio armed with microphones, a computer, mixing board, and a 3.5 mm line-in jack for iPods and mp3 players and put together a show.

Within the group, my role was to coordinate audio for the show (ensuring that the right songs are played, music fades in and out at the correct time, sound effects, etc.) as well as one of the on-air roles. One major problem that we had was that during the ten minute podcast, not everyone in the group always had an equal share of airtime, and some of the speaking roles were insignificant at time. Upon trying to get everyone involved in the show at once (and seeing how poorly that went), I suggested to my group that we utilize two "rotations" of three people, do a show with each group, then adjust the members accordingly. In the end, we did two different podcasts, one with a sports focus, the other dealing with the day-to-day happenings in and around DHS.

Looking through both the required and elective courses, there were several courses available that piqued my interest, but the four in particular that I am interested in are BDC 955 (Sports Broadcasting), BDC 905 (The Business of Music), BDC 925 (Issues in Popular Culture) and BDC 943 (Comedic Writing). As someone who aspires to be the next Tom Cheek or Marv Albert, BDC 955 will be one of the more important courses I take in the RTA program as I develop my repertoire.

As I would like to have a career in some way, shape or form within sports media, preferably as a broadcaster, BDC 955 is one of the most important courses to me out of the ones available. Being able to frequently hear from guest speakers that are a part of the industry is important to me, as I will be listening to actual anecdotal experience instead of relying on a textbook to tell me generalized and perhaps outdated statements. It's also a plus for me knowing that the course, at some point, will delve into the business aspect of sports, but more importantly, sports journalism.

BDC 905 caters more to my audiophile side, as I have always been interested in music, but I have also wanted to know how a band can go from playing in the garage until it's time to do homework to selling out venues all over the world. I hope to learn about the progression of an artist (with or without the aid of the music industry), and it is an interesting topic that I can hopefully learn more about by taking this course.

BDC 925 and BDC 943 stuck out for me because they were courses that pertained to things that are important to me (popular culture and comedy), but also because they allow me to capitalize on my strengths, which would be having a good sense of humour and being very knowledgeable in the field of trivial information, and turn those strengths into great marks in courses that I would enjoy taking.

While I will benefit greatly from taking the four previously listed courses, ones that do not necessarily focus on media will also pay vital roles in what I do upon graduating the program. These courses include ENT 527 (Studies in Entrepreneurship), ENG 930 (High and Low Culture) and ECN 722 (The Economics of Sports) are my top three choices, as they would not only help me with courses down the road (being knowledgeable in the economics of sports would allow me to be able to confidently discuss various front office issues in the sports world, which is important for a career in sports broadcasting), but also for my goals later in life, as I would love to one day own and operate my own store, selling sports apparel.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 29, 2010   #2
Many people frown on the use of a conversational, informal tone like the one you use in the first paragraph. I think it is excellent writing, but I hope the admissions office reader feels the same way!

If you keep it like that, consider simplifying it a little here:
My ultimate goal, or rather What I hope to get out of the Ryerson RTA program is to learn about deep understanding of what's going on, both in front of and behind the camera or microphone, and to turn that knowledge and experience into a career as a sports broadcaster.

Hey, you sure have a good name for a radio or television personality!

Here is a part we can improve:

As previously mentioned, I took the radio broadcasting course at my school, and a good example of teamwork that I can recall would be an experience I had during the recording process of podcasts that we were required to create every couple of weeks.

You write so well, it's hard to improve it! One important idea, though, it to write a conclusion paragraph that refers back to something you said earlier in the essay. Let the conclusion para be one that reinforces a major idea, the theme that you want the reader to remember you by. What is the main theme for this whole essay? Whatever it is, mention it at the end of the intro paragraph and then explain it in detail in the conclusion. reinforce that main theme, so that the reader will remember you.

:-)
OP hemingway 1 / 1  
Jan 30, 2010   #3
Thanks Kevin! :-D


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