Feedback on my essay please and thank you!
Its for the University of California Prompt 1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
As a child, I knew bus numbers like I knew colors. Riding the bus excited me. I remember grasping my grandma's hand yelling "Espera! Espera!" as we ran to the bus across the street so it would not leave. While on the bus, my grandma loved telling me how all buses were not the same-they were like people-each bus had a different color, different driver, a different number, and had a different destination. I was my own little bus. She would say I was like a Dash, a little blue bus that only went short distances and could only carry a small amount of people. She told me once I grew older I could aspire to be the big orange and red bus that was strong and went long distances; I decided that's what I would be.
For the first few years of my life, my most exciting moments, besides the bus rides, were on the first of the month-which was when my mom and I drove to the grocery store to get all our months' worth of groceries. At the checkout stand, embarrassed, she would pull out a brown and yellow card with the words Golden State Advantage on top. I always wondered why she was embarrassed and where it came from. Being so young, I thought the money magically appeared on the card every month; however, it was not until I grew older that I realized my mom's financial struggle.
As the years passed, I became more and more aware of the hardships my family faced. After thirteen years alone with my mom, I finally had a father figure in my life, but having a step-dad who was in the Navy was not what I imagined since it required him to relocate often. Because of his job, my mom broke the news that we were going to move across the country. Moving was a change. It motivated me to take on more responsibilities and face emotions that I had never felt such as homesickness. Eventually, the amount of round trip flights from Norfolk, VA to Los Angeles, CA became too many to count, and my hopes that one day my ticket would be a one way increased visit after visit.
Summer of eleventh grade my ticket finally read what I hoped, but somehow moving back to LA was not what I envisioned. My responsibilities then increased. I worked at a local restaurant, volunteered for many organizations, babysat my brother, and took several APs. Doing all these activities while my grandma and aunt were sick caused me to struggle, but my desire of becoming like the big red and orange bus was what gave me strength day to day. This strength helped me cope with my stressful life.
Since hospitals usually have a negative connotation, it was ironic how much I enjoyed being there. I enjoyed being in the presence of those whose passions were the same as mine: to help. I watched many families leave happy because their relatives made it, and the smiles they had is what I hope to bring to others, including mine. The frequent hospital visits were what drove me to pursue a career in medicine knowing I have a passion to help and accept others in any form.
Throughout my long journey of obstacles, I recognized I am something bigger and stronger; the big orange and red bus-ready to face my future and the world.
