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"little incidents" - tell us about someone who has made an impact on thinking


ore4thebetter 5 / 14  
Aug 12, 2009   #1
It is rather amazing how little incidents can change once way of thinking. As I grew up, I had always heard the word diversity, wondering what it really meant. I asked my mum what it meant and she told me it meant strength in differences. I was perplexed; how could people with different behaviors, Ideologies, principles and cultures work together successfully. It did not make sense to me but I thought to myself why care? Diversity as a concept never crossed my mind until an incident occurred in my penultimate year at high school.

I had just achieved one of my personal goals I had set since I was in year 8. I was just elected school prefect, a post only eight boys in the school could hold. I was happy I was entrusted which such responsibility. In summary I was ecstatic. Even with the ecstatic feeling I could not help but wonder why a couple of the other prefects were elected. My opinion was only "good" boys whom had achieved a high level of academic excellence and displayed high level of responsibility and leadership skills should be chosen but to my utmost surprise this was not the case. Some of the prefects chosen were the cliché "bad boys"; they were responsible but a little wild. How could we work together was my worry. We were not alike in any way. To my utmost surprise, the incidents that occurred later in the day removed all forms of doubts from my mind.

At night that day, we had our end of year party. It was a big rave with so much to do. Little wonder everyone did not want to leave when we were asked to. But as we were the newly elected prefects, we had to be exemplary leaders. So we decided to instruct everyone to leave. Due to the respect we had students though agitated left for their respective hostels. Everyone left but for a few 'bad boys' who were angry that we were sending them back. I asked them to leave but they grumbled and did not listen. I and one other prefect warned that they would be reported to the school authorities if they did not comply. Before I knew it this little issue turned in a big fight. We argued for such a while until one of the "bad boy" prefects talked to them for a while and they suddenly complied. I was shocked; I did not believe they, the "bad boy" prefects could be of any use but I was so wrong. Not only did they help us, they strengthened our voice and together we ran a successful high school year touching different areas of the school. We were different but stronger and all that came to my mind was the day I asked my mum what diversity meant. I had seen what it really meant.

Diversity encompasses acceptance and respect for each other. It involves respecting the concept of individuality. It could be race, socio-economic status, age, abilities, religious beliefs, political beliefs or Ideologies. It entails more than just mere tolerance; it involves exploring individuality to create a stronger and more effective force.

My only question is who made this impact? Was it my mum for creating the initial interest in the concept or my school for choosing a diverse set of prefects or the prefect who talked to the bad boys? Well, I cannot give the credibility to any one alone. It was the combination that highlighted the concept. All I can say is thank you to all cause they all did teach me a great concept.
prasun8463 3 / 9  
Aug 12, 2009   #2
I like the revelation ...the structure of putting the impact across.

Maybe the 3rd para drags a bit...or it maybe the 2nd & 3rd paras could be made more coherent by brushing up few "bad boy"details...
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 12, 2009   #3
Very nice. Bonus points for using "penultimate" properly. Good story, good message, but I'd like to see a much stronger conclusion.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Aug 12, 2009   #4
It is rather amazing how little incidents can change once way of thinking. As I grew up, I had always heard the word diversity, wondering what it really meant. I asked my mum what it meant and she told me it meant strength in differences. I was perplexed; how could people with different behaviors, Ideologies, principles and cultures work together successfully. It did not make sense to me but I thought to myself why care? Diversity as a concept never crossed my mind until an incident occurred in my penultimate year at high school.

^All of this quite frankly, can go. It is quite unlikely that as you were four years old, to seven years old, you kept hearing the word diversity. Also, the lack of established time frame completely weakens your introduction. When did you think that etc? Just remove all of this...

*Your second paragraph is in need of serious grammar revision if you want it to be truly effective.

We were different but stronger and all that came to my mind was the day I asked my mum what diversity meant. I had seen what it really meant.

Yea, you can remove that as well. Also, this paragraph needs grammar revision as well.

Your conclusion is weak and ineffective. Revise it.
OP ore4thebetter 5 / 14  
Aug 12, 2009   #5
please advice me on what to do with the second paragraph and to attain a stronger conclusion because my conclusion has to point to who had the impact on me
prasun8463 3 / 9  
Aug 12, 2009   #6
In my Opinion,

Show your understanding of Diversity.

Diversity encompasses acceptance and respect for each other. It involves respecting the concept of individuality. It could be race, socio-economic status, age, abilities, religious beliefs, political beliefs or Ideologies. It entails more than just mere tolerance; it involves exploring individuality to create a stronger and more effective force.

This is Good but not very Personal.
like "I started respecting the concept of Individuality"

You may very well credit serendipity for the Impact.
But strengthen the Conclusion.
Like How such an incident was an eye-opener for you, It was great that it happened earlier for you to reap the benefits now...got the idea?

Maybe moderators can provide further insights.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 12, 2009   #7
please advice me on what to do with the second paragraph

Make it more concise.


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